Crossing Lines
by RileyStorm12
Summary: ok...so it's yet another spashley story...mere aquaintances, ash and spence, end up being sent to NYC together for a month on their senior trip, realizing just how bad they need each other. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1 Painted Faces

**A/N: Okay, so this is my first fanfic, so it's a little rough. I've had this storyline in my head for a while now so I have the first five chapters written, but I'm only posting the first two until I find out from you guys whether it's worth it or not, so let me know in your reviews. 5 reviews to continue...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Of Nowhere or any of the characters. If I did, I sure as hell would not be writing fanfiction now would I:)**

**Chapter One**

"And with that ladies and gentlemen, I give you the class of 2007!" I jumped up along with the other 500 students that until this moment, I could call my classmates. Nothing seemed real yet. I was done with high school and about to head to USC in a few months. All of the familiar faces that had painted the picture of 'my life' for the last four years were soon to be replaced with memories.

I guess you could say I'm not a big fan of high school. Most people would laugh if I ever actually said that out loud. Ashley Davies, most popular girl in school, not a fan of high school; but it's true. Who could ever grow to like a place where people were so determined to make you feel a certain way about them; even if they didn't know the smallest, insignificant detail about you or who you really are. We are just all painting a picture that we want people to see while we desperately try to hide who we are. You think that's confusing? Try and figure this one out for me…if I really feel this way, why the hell am I fighting back tears as I sling my cap into the air and scream with the other 500 kids around me.

That's me for ya; a roller coaster of emotions. It's funny though, most people peg me as someone without emotions at all. I'm just a shallow slut that got knocked up by the quarterback my sophomore year. Suprisingly, my feelings about the baby, my baby, were slightly different than everyone else's at school. Aiden, the dumbass quarterback, seemed indifferent. He would be there if I decided to keep her, yea…it was a her, and he would be there if I decided not to keep her. However, when I decided that I wanted her to be a part of my life, our lives, he bailed like I'd always known he would. I can't really explain how I felt about the whole thing. I was scared out of my mind, but somehow at peace at the same time. Truth be told, I never really loved Aiden. In fact, I can't remember ever really loving anyone other than my dad, who died 11 months ago. But this baby was the only person in the world that I could count on to love me…just for being me.

That all changed when I woke up one morning with a terrible pain that I couldn't explain. After being in the hospital for a week, I finally accepted the fact that she was gone. My body had betrayed me like everything else in my life. I'm not really one to sit around sulking, feeling sorry for myself, but damn, when there is nothing good to think about, your thoughts become very similar to a country song. (Depressing to the point that turning it on at all is torture and should be considered illegal.) I don't know why I pick this moment to revisit the broken places in my life, and I don't waste anymore time trying to figure it out. I just go back to painting the picture of myself that everyone has seen for the last four years as I run and tackle Kyla from behind. Kyla is my half-sister and the closest thing I have to a true friend, although even she doesn't see past the picture of a smile I wear on a regular basis.

"Ash!!" she screamed as we both fell to the ground. We were then harrased by several parents with cameras; I didn't know any of them but smiled anyway.

"So are we still heading to ego tonight?" I asked once the unidentified parents were satisfied.

"Yea, but I forgot to tell you, Spence is meeting us there…" Spencer Carlin is Kyla's best friend. I don't know how the hell anyone could put up with Kyla as much as she does. I've seen her at the house a couple of times, but I've never actually spoken to her other than a quick "Hello" and "I like your shoes" She seems nice enough…shy, but nice. I just nod and pretend to hear the rest of what Kyla is saying while my mind drifts back to what can only be described as my very own 'country song'. I wish I could talk about someone the way Kyla talks about Spencer. If she gained nothing else from this hellhole, she is at least leaving with something, someone, that she can always depend on.

"…I mean, you have to admit, you got teared up at the end…" she was teasing now.

"Hell no!" I shot back. "I got something in my eye and it was stinging like a bitch!" She just laughed and headed over to a group of friends. I decided to head for the car, not really in to the idea of watching everyone callapse into tears at the thought of never seeing their friends again. I need to pack anyway I think to myself. In the morning we are leaving for New York for a month. Christine, my so called mother, decided this would be a wonderful opportunity for her to express her pride to be the mother of two graduates….TRANSLATION: She wanted a month to play with her new boy toy …surprise surprise. I figured it wouldn't be too bad though. A month away from this place sounds like heaven to me right now. Just me and Kyla for a month…oh, and her friend Spencer. Maybe I'll finally get to see what it is about her that Kyla trusts. Whatever, at least she can keep Kyla off my back a little while we're away. I swear, sometimes she's worse than havin a real mother.

As I drive away from King High, I can't help but look back one last time. Although I desperately hated the place and felt relieved to be free from it, it was the only constant thing in my life, and I was scared out of my mind to know what was coming at me now that it was all over. A single tear escaped my eye again, but I convinced myself that there was still something in there as I drove away towards Christine's house.


	2. Chapter 2 Ego

**Chapter Two**

Ego is about the same tonight as it is every night. The music is so loud and hypnotizing that all you really want to do is get drunk and dance with some stranger; but tonight, for some odd reason, I can't bring myself to drink. Don't get me wrong, on a regular basis, vodka is my best friend; and when you are the daughter of the late rock star Raife Davies, you can pretty much go wherever you want, drink whatever you want, and smoke whatever you want. I've never actually taken advantage of the drugs thrown my way, but it would have been easy if I would have wanted to.

I finally decide to take a shot of something my dance partner of the moment handed to me. I could already feel the warmth running through me as I began to relax and move in rhythm to the music with….whatever his name is. He is getting a little too free with his hands and I back away, a little annoyed at the hand that was just up my skirt and the guy attached to it. Yea, so everyone has this assumption that I'm the school slut because I got pregnant my sophomore year. Truth be known, Aiden is the only person I've ever been with. I'm somewhat of a make-out whore, but I don't do random sex; and Aiden is the only serious relationship I've ever been in. Granted, I've dated a lot of guys, and a good number of girls. Right, I guess I should have mentioned that before. I'm bi. Just another reason I hated high school (ha! I can say that in past tense now!) People aren't as accepting as you'd hope when they see you with your arm around another girl. The only person that didn't seem surprised or concerned when I came out was Kyla, but I think she always knew.

"Ashley!" I heard a tipsy, but not yet drunk Ky scream my way.

"Hey," I laughed. She was something else when she drank, but she never remembered any of it and always assumed I was lying when I told her about what an jackass she had been. "Have you seen Spencer?" she asked.

"No, I figured she'd be with you though." She shook her head before looking up at the guy who'd just tried to fill me up. I gave her a glance that was meant to be a warning. She returned it with a confused stare before introducing herself to … James! That's his name! I left them to get aquainted. She would find out soon enough how he was, but knowing Kyla, she probably didn't care. If she spent half of the time she spends torturing me on taking her own life into consideration, her life wouldn't be half as complicated. And people actually see her as the innocent one! If Spencer knows what's good for her, she will stay lost.

As if on cue, I see Spencer at the bar. Funny…I didn't see her as the type that drinks. She is wearing a short blue jean skirt and a blue tank top. I don't know if it was the shirt or what, but you could totally tell from all the way across the room how blue this girls eyes are. _She must wear contacts._ I'm not sure why, but as I head to the bar, I find myself eyeing her as if to get a better look. I'm suddenly fascinated and very curious about the girl my sister is so fond of. Once I reach the bar I notice that she is figeting with her glass, as if to try and decide whether she is actually going to do it or not.

"Trying to decide whether it's worth the headache?" I tease, realizing that was more than I've ever said to the girl. She blushes slightly and I can't help but notice how hot she is. I know…she has STRAIGHT tatooed on her forehead, but hello, I have eyes, and hot is hot.

"Ya know, I've never been here before, but this place is something," she simply states.

"Yea…not really your scene huh?" I laugh. She shifts a little before replying.

"Is it that obvious?" I just laugh. She continues to play with her glass, her eyes glued to the bar and nothing else. She is definitely uncomfortable being here, but there's something else there too. Something is on her mind as she is definitely wearing it on her face; and for some ungodly reason, I care.

"So what's up?" I ask her bluntly. She tilts her head slightly with an expression that asked me what the hell I was talking about..._okay, so maybe her expression said something along the lines of 'huh?'…I doubt that Spencer Carlin would ever say the word hell, even in her mind. _I laughed before elaborating. "Well, you came here, somewhere you don't really wanna be, and you're sitting alone, filling up this martini glass, with an expression that says your mind is far from here. So what's up?"

She just looked at me for a moment like a deer caught in the headlights. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, she finally replied, "I guess everything is just sinking in ya know?" I just nodded knowing how she was feeling. I was battling the same insecurities myself. She then downed the whole martini and motioned for the bartender to bring her another. I laughed and glanced over at the dance floor, seeing Kyla grinding against….John or whatever his name was. I push back the sudden need to vomit, and turn back to Spencer who is looking at them with her own expression of disgust. "What the hell does she see in guys like that?" she suddenly blurted.

_Guess I was wrong…she does say hell…and it sounds so freaking hot coming from her. _I nod in approval before adding, "I dunno…she always seems to hook up with the guys she knows she won't get emotionally attached to…I think It's easier for her that way." She looked at me with that same expression from before when I asked her was wrong and now it was my turn to give her my best 'what the hell?' expression.

"I'm sorry…" she began. I still sat…waiting for her to elaborate. "I've just had this picture of who you were in my head for four years now, and in about five minutes, you've come and changed my mind. I didn't see you for someone that could read people the way you do."

"Read people?" I asked, confused.

"God, any way that I say this is going to come out sounding horrible," she laughed nervously. "I guess I've just always seen you as the type to be too involved with yourself to see much past that, ya know? But I don't guess you're half bad," she joked. I understood what she meant, and it's hard knowing that is how most people will remember you. "I'm sorry if I said anything offensive," she quickly apologized.

"No," I laughed. "It's totally cool…I had you pegged for a mute nun." She was in hysterics now. "But I was wrong too." We sat there laughing for a few minutes before she downed her second martini. I decided that it would probably be best if I remained sober. Spencer was heading in a direction that wasn't necessarily interstate friendly and Kyla was there waiting for her. Somebody had to get us home in one piece.

Suddenly, one of Spencer's friends ran up and hugged her from behind, declaring that it was their last night to get to hang out and she would die if she didn't join her on the dance floor. I didn't like the way I felt when Spencer ran to join her. I realized that for the brief amount of time I sat talking with the blonde, I didn't feel alone. I found myself sitting at the bar, sober, watching a drunk Spencer Carlin. _What the hell is goin on?? I graduate and all the sudden the whole world turns upside down?_ A few people came up and asked for autographs, so I stopped my stalker routine long enough to oblige, and when I looked up, she was gone.

"Ash…me and James are gunna get outta here," Kyla slurred. I gave her a disapproving look, and she glared back one of those 'I know what I'm doing' looks as she and… John? headed for the exit. That's when it hit me…

"Ky…what about Spen…" But she was gone. _Great!_ About two hours after Kyla left, I found myself ready to return to Christine's and searching for a missing Spencer. I was distracted by some commotion at the far end of the club, and being the curious person that I am, got a little closer for a better look. Some guy was getting a little friendly with some girl who was struggling to get out of his grip.

"Come on baby…I only live about two blocks from here…If you can wait that long, we'll head to my place right now," he slurred, obviously drunk. I couldn't help but feel sorry for whoever he was holding on to . She couldn't possibly be attracted to THAT!

"Please let me go," I heard her cry. But he just laughed and started dragging her towards the door. _I guess that answered my question…wait…that sounded like… _

"Spencer?" I called. Her desperate, tear-filled eyes begged me for help. I tried to get someone's attention, but no could hear much over the music that was playing. I suddenly had the urge to slam the guy with a crowbar but decided that sense I didn't have one, I should probably try and confront him. "Hey, I don't think she's quite ready to leave just yet," I stated, sounding much braver than I felt at that moment.

"Oh, she's ready to leave, aren't you baby?" Spencer just shook her head and cried silently, looking desperately into my eyes for an answer I didn't have. When he started for the door again, I did something only an idiot would do to an obviously drunk psychopath. I pushed him with everything in me, catching him off guard long enough for him to let go of Spencer's now bruised arm. I grabbed her hand and pulled her away from him, stepping in front of her to become the only obstacle standing in the way of him and the girl he was determined to take with him. _Okay ash…you've just completely screwed up and the universe is about to get you back by kicking your ass…way to go…you don't even know this girl! _

"I think you've had a little too much to drink, and you should probably head home," I glared, once again looking more brave than I felt as my hand still trembled over Spencers and the maniac in front of me tried to regain his balance. Thankfully, a couple of bystanders began to realize what was happening, and stepped in between to calm the man down and escort him outside. Once he was gone, I turned around to make sure Spencer was okay, but she remained speechless. I couldn't think of anything to say myself, so we silently made our way for the door. She never let go of my hand, and I took that as a sign that she needed to feel safe…that and the vodka martini was taking it's toll. She stopped when we reached the exit and looked around nervously.

Noticing that it was a cold night, I draped my blue-jean jacket around her shoulders and put my arm around her; trying to make her feel safe enough to walk with me out to my car. She seemed to relax a little under my arm and I began making my way out the door. As we got farther into the parking lot, she got as close as humanly possible and I couldn't help but feel somethingI'm not sure what…but it was definitely something, and once it was there, I couldn't shake it. Once I had gotten her into the passenger seat, she leaned back and closed her eyes. I thought she'd passed out until about ten minutes later I heard her whisper a quick "Thank you."

When I glanced over, I could tell that she was fighting back tears. For some reason I felt guilty for not keeping my eyes on her better. There was no telling what kind of hell she had to go through before I finally decided to make an appearance. I should have protected her. _Why do I suddenly feel like this girl is my responsibility? Why do I care? I've never cared before. _I tried to tell myself that I didn't care, that it was the shot I took from what's his name talking…but I knew I was sober. And when I looked over at her again I cared more than I should. I really like this girl. Not in a way that I'm allowed to like her. But I can be her friend…maybe like Kyla is her friend. "Anytime," I whispered.

When we finally got back to Christine's house, Spencer was passed out cold. I didn't know what else to do, so I went to the passenger side, picked her up, and carried her inside. I was surprised at how light she was; and I'm not gunna lie, I'm a wimp. When I finally got to Kyla's room, I layed her down on the bed, figuring that it would probably put her more at ease to wake up here than anywhere else because it was familiar territory. However, when I started out of the room, she sat straight up in Kyla's bed and called out for me to wait. I turned around, half startled, half worried.

"Do you think maybe you could stay in here with me. Just until I fall asleep," she quickly added. I smiled and nodded my head, thinking about how different Spencer was when she drank. The same independent girl that wouldn't even tell me what was on her mind at the bar was now asking me to protect her from the boogy man. I silently wondered if she would even remember this in the morning.

As I layed down next to her, she immediately got right next to me and put her head in the crock of my neck. I felt it again…that feeling without a name…that 'something' feeling. I had the urge to pull her chin up and kiss her right then and there. I knew that the consequences of that would be way to dramatic. Even if she didn't stop me tonight, I can't take advantage of her while she is like this….that is the last thing I want to do. I just simply took her hand with mine, and wrapped my other arm around her. Holding her like this is enough. I just layed there with a million thoughts running through my head; none of them, however, resembled a country song.


	3. Chapter 3 Turbulence

**A/N: Okay, so to those of you who reviewed...you rock my world!! So here is Chapter three. It's short, and I don't really like it but it seemed necessary so bear with me and please review. I promise chapter four will be better.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own south of nowhere or the characters...I do believe Tom Lynch is responsible for that. :)**

Chapter Three

I woke up this morning with a foreign feeling that I couldn't quite comprehend. The moment I realized that Spencer was still asleep, her head on my stomach and her arms softly draped around me, I managed to maneuver my way from underneath her. Although I had this sense of security when she was next to me, I knew it was best if I left before she woke up. Number one, she wasn't going to remember anything from last night, and waking up next to me would most likely send her into a mini panic attack; probably assuming from my reputation that I'd taken advantage of her the night before. Number two, I hated myself for being so comfortable in those forbidden arms. And number three?? Hello…I'm leaving for New York in about seven hours and I'm restless ok?

I walk into the living room and laugh when I see a passed out Kyla on the floor. I wasn't going to waste this perfect opportunity to let her know that when she drank she was, in fact, a complete jackass. "Ky!" I yelled as I headed towards the coffee pot. When I didn't get a response, I finished setting the coffee and headed back over to my pathetic half-sister. "Kyla, have you even packed?" I asked, getting a little frustrated. When she finally sat up, she had on her best 'kill me' expression and I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for her. It wasn't her fault that she didn't have the sense god gave her. "So I kinda figured you would wake up at John's this morning," I said; more as a question than a statement.

"Yea…well, he's an ass," she muttered, still half asleep. _Wow… maybe she isn't as oblivious as I thought. _"That and I think I threw up on him, so he brought me back here."

"And the truth comes out," I teased. "So is your stuff ready to go?"

"Yea," she replied. "Well, I'm gunna need someone to ride with me back to Ego this morning to get Spencer's car. She rode with me last night because she was too tired to drive." Ok, so I know it's weird that I felt like I had to cover for her, but she obviously wasn't the type to be proud of a night like last night. She'd been through enough hell.

"I'll go with you." It took me a minute to realize that the reply hadn't come from Kyla, but Spencer. I hadn't even noticed that the girl was awake. I turned around and studied her expression, trying to decide if she remembered anything. I came to the conclusion that she didn't when she put her hair up in a messy pony tail and handed me my keys. I didn't say anything; I just followed close behind her as we headed out the door, leaving Kyla to collapse once again. Whatever, at least she landed on the couch this time.

The ride to Ego was the longest twenty minutes of my life. Neither one of us was saying anything. Yet when we finally pulled up into the parking lot, she hesitated to get out of the car. That's when I noticed how bad the bruise on her arm had gotten. She was looking at it too. Before I knew what I was doing, I reached out my hand and ran my fingers gently over the mixture of black and blue. She jumped a little before hiding all emotion with a smile; as if nothing was wrong. She looked up into my eyes and I was stunned to see that her eyes really are that blue. We held each other's gaze for a few seconds before she looked down, blushing profusely. "I'm sorry about last night," she whispered. I was a little startled by her apology; not really expecting her to remember last night, let alone talk about it. I looked up, knowing that she was fighting back tears but desperate not to show it. I was fighting back my own emotions. A part of me couldn't help but wish that she would be more willing to accept help. I wanted to hold her and comfort her like I'd done last night; but she would never allow me to do that while in her right mind. Even if she did, where would that leave me? I would still be sitting here, staring at this random STRAIGHT girl with more want than I've ever felt before. Oh god, I am staring. I quickly try to make light of the heavy conversation.

"Well, shit happens," I reply, desperately trying to hide the concern from my voice.

"Nope," she simply replies. "It's too late for that Davies. You've shown me your soft side. Now I know your secret." If I wasn't so sure that she wasn't into girls, I would totally think that she's flirting with me right now.

"And what's my secret?" I tease back.

"You have a heart. You actually care about your sister's annoying friend enough to stand up to a psychotic drunk ten times your size." I wanted to tell her that she wasn't annoying. I wanted to let her know that to me, for some ungodly reason, she was more than just my sister's friend. She was someone that I had to protect. Someone that made me feel a little less alone just by being in the same room. Instead I just laughed and watched her get out and head to her car. Wow… the next month is going to be torture if that girl doesn't stop doing this to me.

**Later that day...**

"What the hell was that?" Kyla screamed, as the plane began to shake. I was imagining myself far away…somewhere safe…. somewhere on the ground! If there is one thing I can't stand, it's flying. _Only four hours till we land in NYC. _I pull out my mp3 and try to distract myself with the latest flyleaf single. I try raising the volume up to the maximum level, but even that doesn't stop the turbulence from making me jump out of my seat. I'm seated in between Kyla and Spencer, who both seem a little more at ease than me; and I'm not going to lie…I'm a little embarrassed. The plane ride becomes a little smoother and I feel my tensed muscles begin to relax as Kyla leans back and closes her eyes.

"So… not really your scene huh?" Spencer teased, mocking me from the night before.

"I guess you could say that," I reply shortly, trying to keep my breathing steady as the plane begins to shake once again. "Shit." She just laughed and placed her hand over mine.

"Ashley Davies has a weakness… I guess you are just full of secrets aren't you?" She's doing it again. I don't even think she knows what she's doing, but it's driving me insane. She then changed her expression from slightly entertained by my phobia to a more serious one. "It'll be over soon enough," she whispered. "Ya know, planes are actually safer than cars." I smiled and nodded, not really being able to focus on anything but her hand on mine. She glanced down to see what my eyes were glued on and immediately began to blush; but surprisingly, she didn't remove her hand.

In that moment, she had me convinced that if the plane were to crash to the ground at a thousand miles an hour, her small hand would have kept me safe. We both eventually fell asleep, only to be woken by the flight attendant informing us that we were about to land and needed to fasten our seatbelts. "I hate when they say that," I admitted. The only response I received was Spencer's hand once again covering mine as the familiar, uncertain smile crossed her face. I wanted nothing more than to figure out what she was hiding behind that smile. Starting right now, I have exactly one month with her to figure it out.


	4. Chapter 4 New Territory

**A/N: Ok...first...thank you guys so much for the reviews!! I'm pure giddy that several people actually took the time, considering this is my first story. A special thanks to slickchick84, who is my all time fav. fan fic writer. It meant a lot that you took the time to not only read...but review something that I'd written. :) Anyways...here is chapter four. It's a little longer than the third and hopefully you guys like it...but either way...you should let me know..hint hint**

**Disclaimer: I don't own south of nowhere or any of the characters...I know...I suck.**

**Chapter Four**

"What floor did he say again?" Spencer asked from inside the elevator. She reminded me of a little kid fighting to be the first one to push the button. Kyla quickly informed her that we were staying on the fifth floor while I just looked at her in amazement. I guess I forget sometimes that normal teenagers don't live half of their lives out of hotels; and if they do, they probably aren't hotels like these. Once we were all inside I couldn't help but laugh when she happily pushed the button and waited anxiously to be delivered to the fifth floor.

"Holy shit!" she stated as we walked in to our suite. "My house isn't as big as this room!" Kyla and I exchanged glances and began silently watching the blonde run from room to room, testing out each of the beds. She disappeared into the back while Kyla and I headed straight for the mini bar. Christine really set us up. I guess she figured that the more comfortable we were, the more likely we were to stay for the full month. That means her having the mansion to herself. "Oh my god! There is a jacuzzi in each bathroom!" we heard Spencer yell from the next room. I decided it wouldn't be a bad idea to check out the rest of the place, so I grabbed a coke, spiced it up with a little rum, and headed to where the excited screams were coming from.

I've been to a lot of exotic places before. I've been to Rome, I've been to Ireland; and believe me, both of those places paint the picture of perfect if you look at them just right. But even I have to admit that the view from the one glass wall in each bedroom was incredible. Living in LA, you become oblivious to the lights; but at night, this place forced you to see them. "Wow," I finally said. My eyes searched the room for Ky, but she was overwhelmed with another area of the hotel suite…the bed. Spencer and I burst out in hysterics when we realized that she'd quickly claimed this room as her own. I walked over and covered her up, knowing that nothing could wake her at this point before returning to Spencer's side by the window.

"Ya know, when I moved here from Ohio my freshman year, I thought that LA had more life than any other place on the planet. But this…"

"I know, I replied. I've been to New York before, but it was only to see one of my dad's shows. We didn't even stop long enough to sleep, let alone appreciate it." I began to think about how ironic that sentence was. That pretty much describes my whole relationship with my dad before he died. When we saw each other, it always seemed out of obligation on his part and expectations on mine…expectations of him showing up because he wanted to this time. We ran around in circles so much that we never stopped to realize how much we had in common. Never stopped to appreciate the relationship we could have had.

"We all spend a little too much time running in circles…too afraid to move forward," Spencer said, reading my mind. I just looked at her in question before she continued. "We tend to run from the things that want to lure us in. Take this place for example. New territory. I could live here. I could fall in love with this place, but I know that I am going to have that feeling of home when I go back to LA. People have accepted me there. There's no way for me to know if I'll ever have that feeling here. It's hard to let things lure you in that could potentially hurt you. Especially when they're so different from what you're used to." What she said made sense I guess. My dad and I could have gotten closer, but maybe we were both scared that the other would disappoint us; betray us.

"I guess we are all a little afraid of stopping long enough to fall in love with the unknown huh?" When I looked up at her after asking the question, I was surprised to find her looking intently back; her eyes desperately trying to tell me something. I immediately began reading way too much in to every word she'd said. She nodded, quickly covering her emotions with the smile I was becoming so familiar with. The one that I loved on her because it defined the mystery attached to the girl; but yet hated because it was hiding the most important parts of her. The parts that not everyone could get to. That possibly no one had ever gotten to. I suddenly had to know if she was in any way trying to tell me something.

"But if you never try this new place out, you may never truly know what it's like to be happy. You may be missing out on all the good things this place has to offer." She seemed content with my answer and gave me a different smile than the one she used for everybody else. One that I wanted to be meant for me and me only.

"Maybe so. I guess the hard part is knowing when you are ready to make that move." She then quickly added, "You know, to a different home." She was staring at her hands intently now, as if she'd somehow said the wrong thing. I silently pleaded for her to keep talking… to not shut me out now; but I could tell that she was uncomfortable and I didn't want to push her away by forcing the conversation we'd gotten ourselves into.

I decided to try the subtle change in subject and asked her if she wanted a drink. She looked at me like I was crazy at first before I assured her that no psychos were allowed in the suite. She laughed before answering with a quick, "Maybe just one." I was relieved to get a moment away from her. I soon realized that I must have been holding my breath, because leaving that room felt like coming up for air after being held under. My hands were shaking as I grabbed the rum and coke and poured them together in a glass.

_What the hell am I doing? Ok, so maybe she isn't talking about New York; but that doesn't necessarily mean that she is talking about us…us?? I'm delusional. There is no us! She is trying to have a serious conversation with me, open up to me a little, and I immediately jump to the conclusion that she wants me like I want her. Wait…I want her? Oh god, I need another drink._

"So what else is there to this new Ashley Davies?" I was startled to hear Spencer's voice break my thoughts.

"What do you mean?" I asked, seriously debating a couple shots of vodka. _Why are my hands still shaking? You don't get nervous Ash… _

"Well, all I know so far is that you are the daughter of a rock star, a big fan of vodka, not a big fan of planes, my best friend's sister, and not quite the bitch I've heard so much about." She's obviously amusing herself, and I was about to blow off the question before I realized she was actually waiting for an answer. I handed over the drink and quickly informed her…

"Oh, I am a bitch! I just don't show it to the people that don't ask for it." We both laughed for a minute before I turned the question around. "So what about you? I mean, I know even less about you."

"And what is it that you do know about me?" she asked. "Inquiring minds want to know." I thought carefully before answering.

"I know that you aren't as unsocial as I once though you were, nor as innocent," I teased. Then on a more serious note, "I also know that you, for some reason, care more about pleasing everyone around you and making them happy than your own happiness." She looked up, tilted her head, and then began to shake it in disagreement.

"I'm happy," she simply said. I looked at her and had the sudden urge to tell her that her eyes did not tell me she was happy. They were beautiful… but they wanted me to know that she felt empty…she wanted to move to a new place in her life that would give her all of the things she needed; but she was afraid. She was afraid of being hurt; of being betrayed by this new life and all the people in it.

"Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?"

"I dunno, but something tells me that I'm not having any luck with either one," she said with a smile…not the one that seemed to be just for me, but the one that I loved and hated at the same time. At that moment, I stopped denying the way I was feeling. There was no point in it anymore. I want Spencer to be happy. I want her to have everything in life that she needs. But most of all, I just want her.

"Wow, I think I'm going to go to bed," she finally whispered, handing me her empty glass. See you in the morning?" I just nodded and watched her head to the room adjacent to the one Kyla collapsed in. Right before she disappeared behind the door, she turned around with a smile on her face. "I like talking to you Ashley."

"I like talking to you too Spencer." And then she was gone.

I don't know how long I sat there. Eventually, I made my way to my own room and tried with everything in me to fall asleep…with no luck of course. When I went to grab a magazine from my travel bag, I found my yearbook. The one from my senior year that I hadn't even opened since the day they came in. I quickly flipped to the class of '07 and scanned the C's for Carlin. When I found her, I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face or the content that finally allowed me to fall to sleep.

**Ok so that's it for chapter four...I'm almost done with a few changes I'm making to chapter five and it will be ready to post, so let me know if you'd like me to continue or if i should just burn my flash drive now...it's up to you guys... :)**


	5. Chapter 5 Ethan

**A/N: Thanks again to all of you who reviewed. Reviews are what keep me updating daily. This chapter brings in a character that you are familiar with if watch the show. Hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere nor do I own the characters. Tom Lynch is the man lucky enough to claim them both. However, if I did own them...I would not keep you guys waiting until April for the new season:)**

**Chapter Five **

"Spencer! Are you ok in there?" Kyla yelled from the hallway. I glanced up at the clock, which informed me that I'd slept in, before reluctantly climbing out of bed and throwing the contents of my bags all over the place in hopes of finding my robe and toothbrush. _It's settled, after my shower, I have to unpack._ "Spencer!" Kyla repeated.

"What exactly is the problem Ky?" I muttered, still half asleep. "Do we have to be so loud at this hour?"

"This hour?" she teased. "Ash…it's almost 1:00 in the afternoon; and I really need food. Spencer went in there to get ready two hours ago and hasn't come out yet. Just because you are anti-food in the mornings doesn't mean we all are! I'm forgetting what it feels like to eat, and excuse me for not wanting to spend my whole day in a hotel room while I'm staying in New York City!" She was ranting on and on at a speed that I honestly could not keep up so soon after waking up, so I just shrugged and made my way to my bathroom to shower.

After spending way too much time in the jacuzzi and even more time on my hair, I finally emerged from the bedroom about an hour and a half later. I almost didn't notice the note that was left on the dinning room table.

**Need Food. Be back in an hour, Kyla.**

I grabbed my cell and headed for the door. Kyla was right. For some reason, I can't eat in the mornings, but I am officially in some serious need of coffee. After riding the elevator to the ground floor, I asked the manager where I could find the nearest Starbucks, and he informed me that there was one about ten minutes walking distance from the hotel. I smiled and thanked him before heading that way. I didn't mind the walk. I wanted to see more of this place anyway.

About fifteen minutes later, I was walking out of Starbucks, happily sipping my espresso when I heard a man in a black suit yell at some guy on his phone. "Yes I understand that Tom, but where the hell am I supposed to find a replacement? I mean, you are giving me all of twenty-six hours!" Obviously, 'Tom' got a little tired of hearing this man's excuses. I know this because there was a sudden outburst of "Son of a bitch!" from the man in the suit before he threw his phone onto the sidewalk, causing it to burst into about twenty pieces. I just rolled my eyes, about to make my way back to the hotel room, when I heard my name.

"Well if it isn't Ashley Davies!" I spun around, only to be met with the familiar face of Ethan Marks.

"Oh my god! Ethan!" I screamed, before making my way over to hug him. "God, how long has it been?"

"Too long Ms. Davies," he replied smiling, hugging me back. Ethan was my dad's manager before he'd gotten in his accident. To be honest, I probably saw more of him than I did my dad. Ethan was always the one picking up the pieces when he forgot one of our rare attempts to get together. "So how are you? What brings you here?" he asked.

"I'm great!" I replied. "And me, Kyla, and her friend Spencer are here for our senior trip before starting school in the fall. But how are you? Hopefully better than your phone," I teased, pointing to the pieces of what used to be an iphone on the sidewalk.

"Yea, well, I was in charge of booking the talent for a local club for the next three weeks. I have a great band just ready to go… and at the last minute, the lead singer decides to move to Wyoming. Ashley, please tell me, what the hell is in Wyoming?" I just laughed and told him to find another singer and he was good to go. "Easier said than done," he replied. "Unless you want to make some extra cash over the next three weeks." Now I'm really laughing. I haven't sung on stage since the last time I performed with my dad almost a year ago… almost exactly a year ago actually. Now I keep it simple. I perform to my shower head and my guitar in the comfort of my own room.

"No, Ash…I'm serious. How long are you here?" I thought about lying to him. Telling him I would only be here for a few days and it would simply be impossible for me to bail him out of this one. Unfortunately, I've never been able to lie to Ethan.

"I'm here for a month, but that doesn't mean that…"

"Perfect! Come on Ashley! This is a great opportunity for you to use that voice you have. You have to share that with the world!" he added dramatically. "Otherwise, I'm afraid you might go to hell for being so stingy." He was teasing me now, and although I was laughing, he wasn't getting any closer in convincing me to do this.

"I don't think so Ethan. I'm not the same girl I used to be. I can't just jump up in front of a crowd anymore." I think he finally began to understand that he wasn't going to win this battle with me. With a defeated look on his face, he handed me a card with his number on it.

"I'm not going to torment you Ash, but if you do have a change in heart, all you have to do is give that number a call. It would be great to get to work with you again."

"Tempting…but not going to happen," I teased. He then informed me that he had a meeting he couldn't miss and began walking towards a cab he had waiting.

"Oh…Ms. Davies!" he called back.

"Yea Ethan."

"Give me about three hours to get a new phone before you call accepting my offer ok?" I just rolled my eyes, laughed, and headed back to the hotel.

I was surprised to see Kyla and Spencer already eating on the couch when I walked in. "Thanks a lot for the note," Kyla accused, shooting me a look. "We thought you could have been kidnapped or something!" Spencer gave Kyla a look that said she was being a drama queen before turning her attention back to her sandwich.

"Yea Ky…it looks like you were real concerned for my safety," I laughed as she took a huge bite of the salad she had in her lap. "What are you guys watching?"

"The news," Spencer replied. "There was some sort of interview going on right beside the sandwich stand. Kyla insisted that we watch and see if she gets any air time."

"And why would she be on there," I questioned, still sipping at my espresso. They both looked at each other and burst out laughing. I suddenly wished I wouldn't have asked the question, but it was too late now.

"Ok, so I might have politely asked some other bystanders to move so that I could have my spot behind the man being interviewed," she explained; although Spencer's face quickly informed me that there was something missing from the story.

"Politely? Asked? Kyla, you shoved that poor lady so hard that she dropped her cane!" Kyla's head dropped in shame, but she soon got over it, taking another bite of her salad. Spencer and I exchanged similar looks before she brought her attention back to the news. What she didn't realize was that my eyes stayed locked on her, remembering our conversation from last night, until I began overhearing a broadcaster begin his spill.

In other news, Unobtainable, the band that was supposed to be playing at NYC's hottest club for the next three weeks is short a lead singer. Our sources say that there is a search for the replacement, but no luck just yet. Ethan Marks was the man in charge of booking the talent. Management at the club says they might just have to let him go. Ethan was the manager for the late Raife Davies and hasn't seemed to be able to get his feet back on the ground since the death of the rock star, which occurred exactly one year ago tomorrow…

Kyla quickly got up and turned the television off, coming over and gently embracing my arms to make sure I was ok. She had never actually met our dad. She showed up the day of his funeral, so she didn't really know him; however, sometimes I think that made it even harder on her. I mean, I didn't get much time with him to myself, but she never got to know him at all. All she knows is what I've told her. "I'm ok Ky," I whispered. "I'm not going to break every time I hear his name. Actually, while I was out, I ran into Ethan."

"Wow! Did you talk to him? Is he upset?"

"Well, he broke his phone against the sidewalk if that tells you anything," I laughed. "But you wanna know the craziest part? He asked me to be the replacement singer for that band." Kyla's jaw dropped before asking me what I'd said. "I told him I couldn't," I replied honestly. She understood. She remembered what I'd been like after dad died. Hell, she'd met me when I was like that. So confused. So angry. Although all of this is true, I still couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty for not helping Ethan out when he needs it. He was always there for my dad and I, but that didn't change the fact that it would simply be too hard. Kyla and I both stood there facing each other on the verge of tears at the reality that hit us at the same moment. Tomorrow is the anniversary of his death.

"Okay, so I think that the two of you need to get out of this room!" Spencer announced. God, I'd completely forgotten she was there. I looked everywhere but straight at her, embarrassed that I'd let my emotions get the best of me.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked, finally looking her in the eyes. She smiled a smile that I had yet to see. This one wanted to say that she was sorry. It wanted to say that she wished she could do something, anything to make the pain go away; even if it was a pain she knew nothing about. I just wish that she knew she had the ability to make everything a little easier with a smile that was meant just for me.

**So let me know what you guys think...should she change her mind and take the gig or should she forget about it and let ethan drown in failure? lol Reviews please...I need some feedback so I can know the story that you guys would be most interested in reading...just lemme know. Thanks. **


	6. Chapter 6 Music Kills

**A/N: So I didn't get as many reviews yesterday...I was torn between opinions of whether she should take the gig or not...I kinda tried to use everyone's different opinions in this chapter and the next one, so I hope you like it. Let me know in your reviews and I'll love you forever.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere or the characters. I'm just a pathetic woman with nothing better to do than try and entertain you all…so let me know if it's working lol  **

**Chapter Six**

"I said…do you want to dance?" The girl standing in front of me was about 5'4". Green eyes. Dark hair. She'd approached me at the bar but I couldn't quite hear her over the music.

"She's asking you to dance," Spencer informed me. I looked back at the stranger and got a smile that asked if I was up for it.

"Sure," I replied, anxious for anything to keep my mind off of things. I hadn't expected this getaway to be a painful trip down memory lane, but that was exactly what it was turning out to be. Kyla had disappeared with one of the bouncers about an hour ago, and a part of me didn't want to leave Spencer sitting alone at the bar; but her expression said she didn't mind. She was wearing a smile of indifference. I think that's my least favorite smile yet. I wanted her to care. I wanted her to be jealous. When I saw that she clearly wasn't, I downed what was left of my drink and headed to the dance floor with my new friend.

"Damn, you can dance," she was saying as we moved in rhythm with the music. My hands found their usual place on any girl that I danced with. One and the small of her back and one around her neck.

"Thanks," I replied with the fakest enthusiasm I've ever shown. "You too." One or two songs went by and we danced nonstop. When I glanced back up at the bar, I was surprised to see Spencer still sitting there; her eyes clearly focused on me and my dance partner. _So she does care. _"Ya know, I'm not feeling so well. I think I'm going to go have another drink. I'm sorry," I lied, making my way back over to Spencer. Normally, I would have danced all night with a girl like that. I probably would have gotten drunk and made out with her, only to forget her name the next morning; but tonight I felt different.

I was in no way tied down to Spencer. She doesn't even like girls, and she hasn't shown me any sign that she feels any way other than platonic towards me. That didn't change the fact that I was developing strong feelings for her. Plus, this place wasn't here scene, but she'd come here to be there for me and Kyla…to cheer us up.

"That was a short dance," she teased as I motioned for the bartender to bring me another drink.

"Yea… she's nice, but not really my type."

"So what's your type? I'll help you look for her," she laughed. I didn't answer her question. I wanted to tell her that she wouldn't find anyone I was interested in unless she looked in a mirror, but I didn't. I just laughed along with her and began my third…or maybe it was my fourth martini.

"Where do you think Kyla ran off to?" I asked.

"I dunno, but she said that she would probably be back late; so we shouldn't wait up."

"Figures," I sighed. "I worry about that girl sometimes. She doesn't think! I love her to death, but she's gunna get hurt."

"She worries about you too ya know?" I looked at her in question before she continued. "She won't ever come out and say it. It's funny, she will spill anyone at school's deepest, darkest secrets; but when it comes to you, she never says a word about what's on her mind. But I can see it. She wants you to be okay."

"I am okay," I informed her.

"Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?" _Okay, she's getting good at using my own words against me. _I suddenly had the urge to break down in front of this girl; but that's not me, so I just sat there, studying my hands, completely avoiding her question. We soon decided that we'd had enough for one night and began walking back to the hotel in silence.

"Can I ask you something that is slightly intrusive and entirely non of my business," she asked, breaking the silence. I looked at her and nodded for her to continue. "Why did you say no to Ethan? From what I hear, music used to be a huge part of your life; and I hear you playing at Christine's all the time while I'm there with Kyla. It just doesn't make any sense to me. Why did you say no?" I could have answered with a simple, 'I don't know', and that's probably what I would have said to anyone but her. I didn't have to tell her the truth, but I wanted to.

"Did Kyla ever tell you that I was performing with dad the night he died?" She looked up and tilted her head to the side…the way she always does when she's thinking hard about something.

"No."

"Well, I did. I remember singing up there with him. The spotlight was what he loved most, and the fact that he wanted to share that with me meant the world. I felt like I was on top of the world; and for the first time, I felt like things were going to be better between him and I. We were going to be okay. I knew he was drunk, but he insisted on driving home as he put me in the cab and said goodnight. I didn't even get all the way home before I heard about his accident on the radio." I was close to crying now and I knew it. I could sense that Spencer knew it too, because she began walking a little closer and intertwined our fingers.

"I called his cell phone over and over thinking it had to be a mistake, but he didn't answer. When I got home, Christine was gone. All she left was a note saying that she didn't want to deal with the drama, so she was taking off for a while."

"Oh my god," Spencer whispered.

"Music was his life. He cared more about that than anything. That was the one thing we shared, and I don't think I can have anything to do with it now that he's gone. I would love to help Ethan out, but I just don't think I can." We didn't say anything for a long time. We got all the way back to the hotel, all the way up the elevator, and back into the room without a word.

When we got there she shocked me by pulling me in close, embracing me in a way that I've never been embraced before; like I was meant to be in her arms and in her arms only. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I began crying, my face buried in her shoulder as she guided us to the couch. I don't know how long we sat there with her holding me like that. At one point, I fell asleep, lying against her. She was still holding me, running her arms over mine when I awoke. When she realized I was awake, she gave me a quick smile.

"Thank you for listening," I whispered. "No one has ever been there for me like this before." I'm being too honest now, and I know it; I've had too much to drink in a vulnerable moment and I sound pathetic, but she doesn't seem to mind. She just smiles and holds me.

"Do you think that maybe this singing gig could be your new territory?" She saw that I was confused and laughed before explaining herself. "You know? Like we talked about last night. The one thing, possibly life changing thing, that could potentially hurt you." I thought for a minute before answering.

"Maybe."

"I know this doesn't mean much…but I think you could do it. I think it would be hard, but eventually be great for you. Maybe give you back the piece of your dad that you loved most. I think he'd want you to." I'm not sure why, but the fact that Spencer believes in me had me contemplating changing my mind about the whole thing and giving it a shot.

"You really think I could pull it off?" I asked.

"I know you could. You just have to decide whether it's worth putting yourself out there." I looked up into her eyes and saw that she meant every word she was saying.

"I'll think about it," I smiled before laying my head back on her shoulder. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," she laughed.

"What's your new territory?" I'm silently begging for her to give me any indication that she's feeling even a little of what is building inside of me. In the last three days, she has managed to change my view of life completely…ok maybe it's the vodka changing my view of life right now, but I feel differently about her than any other girl I've ever been with. She knows a little too much about me, and yet I still know very little about her; so it's only fair that she throw me a bone right? She's looking me dead in the eyes now. It seems like she's trying so hard to find the right words; but can't, so her eyes are trying to speak for her. Just as she opens her mouth to speak, Kyla stumbles through the door and to her room with the bouncer she left with earlier; leaving me and Spencer staring after her, our jaws wide open.

I was pissed. Not only did Kyla just bring some stranger back to our place planning on sleeping with him, but she just totally distracted Spencer from answering my question; the question. I looked back at her with questioning eyes. She smiled her smile that was just for me before speaking. "I think that's a question for a night when I'm not this tired." I swear my heard went from 99 miles an hour to completely stopping when she said that. I had been so close!

"As long as you aren't expecting me to drop it," I teased, holding my hand out to pull her off of the couch. We walked towards our rooms, but before disappearing into them, I spoke again. "So you have to make me a deal."

"What's that?" she laughed.

"If I decide to take a chance on this, you have to take a chance too." She smiled at me intently for what felt like an eternity in silence before replying.

"Deal." I smiled and headed into my room, immediately taking out my cell phone and the card Ethan had given me earlier today. I typed in the number and selected 'send message' from the menu before typing.

**Ok. I'll do it. Call me tomorrow with the details. xoxo. Ash.**

**And that's a wrap! Let me know what you think so far…any opinions…good or bad are appreciated…**


	7. Chapter 7 Alternate Motives

**A/N: Once again…thanks to all of you who took the time to review yesterday. I know it was New Years Eve. Here is Chapter 7. Please let me know what you think because your reviews really help me in knowing which direction to go in next. Thanks again and Happy New Year. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere nor do I own the characters. If any of you have any idea how I can get either one of them…let me know and I will be forever grateful. :) **

**Chapter Seven**

"You're doing what!?" Kyla yelled.

"Kyla! Calm down! It's really not that big a deal. I just decided to try it out. Ethan said that I could start on a trial basis; and if I didn't like it tonight, I wasn't obligated to do it anymore. I don't see what the big deal is." Kyla shook her head in exhausted defeat before replying."

"There's nothing wrong with it if you honestly think you're ready. I just don't want you to be doing this with some alternate motive besides you actually wanting to jump back out there." Spencer froze, her spoon full of cereal halfway to her mouth, and we exchanged glances. Glances full of knowledge of last night's conversations and promises of taking chances. She just smiled before turning her attention back to her fruit loops.

"And what alternate motives do you think I'm hiding Ky?" Kyla glanced back and fourth between Spencer and I, obviously pissed that she was out of the loop before answering my question.

"I don't know. I guess I just don't want this to be your final attempt to help Ethan out of his inevitable failure. He is not your problem Ash. I know you guys go way back but…look, just make sure you're ready for this, ok?" With that, she walked out of the kitchen and into her bedroom to get dressed. We had all decided that the weather was perfect today to do some sight seeing and major shopping. I mean, I did need something extremely hot to wear tonight; so about an hour later, we were heading out of the hotel and into the unknown territory of NYC.

Everyone has heard about the many exotic places and adventures that New York has to offer; however, our adventures started a little sooner than we expected with the cab drive to our first stop; ground zero. I know, a little depressing, but who doesn't want to witness the place where it all happened? First off, the guy didn't speak a lick of English and we were forced to sit, for thirty minutes I might add, in afternoon traffic while this man screamed in something resembling…Spanish? I'm not sure, but whatever language those words were in, I would hate to be the one he was talking about.

Once we reached our destination, we quickly assured him, with many hand and body gestures, that we would be here far too long for him to wait on us; so he should just be on his way…like, now! As he drove off, we stood in front of ground zero, marveling at how it indeed was emotional just to be near. Thinking of all the lives lost and saved had us all a little down; so we snapped a few pictures, flagged another cab, and started towards our next destination, Wall Street.

The rest of the afternoon went well. After Wall Street we headed straight to Time Square and spent a little too much time caught up in taking pictures; not realizing that practically the whole day was gone. "Holy Shit!" I yelled, to no one in particular. "I have to get back. I'm supposed to be on stage in three hours." Okay, just so ya know, up until this moment, I'd been doing pretty well with the whole anti-anxiety thing. I had only hyperventilated once and it was in the confidence of my own room, so no one witnessed it. I had also only thrown up once, which wasn't all that bad really. Both Spencer and Kyla were staring at me, expecting me to freak and change my mind I'm sure; but I'm going to do this. I'm not really sure why, but I'm going through with this.

"Well, we better get back," Spencer suddenly stated, heading over to flag down a cab. I looked at her and then back at Kyla in question.

"I need to get back, but that doesn't mean you two have to come with me. I'm a big girl," I joked, hoping with everything in me that they wouldn't make me go alone.

"Are you kidding me?" Kyla teased, jumping in to the waiting cab. "And miss the first time Ashley Davies gets back up on stage. Not a chance kid." I've never loved Kyla more than I do at this moment. Spencer isn't doing so bad on my grading scale either. She continues to hold the door open, waiting for me to follow Kyla into the cab as she gives me a smile of reassurance. I like this smile. It makes me feel like I can conquer the world.

Ok, so remember all that stuff I said earlier about doing well with anti-anxiety and being sure about going through with this. Well, that as shot straight to hell well we entered the club, fifteen minutes before time for me to go on stage. I immediately began scoping the crowd for Ethan, but I didn't have to look long. "Ash!" he yelled, running over to embrace me.

"I'm so glad you made it kid; God I've never been more happy to see you. I mean don't get me wrong, I've always had a soft spot for your mindless disregard for society; but you have earned major points by walking through those doors Ms. Davies. You…"

"Ethan," I interrupted.

"Yes Davies…"

"You're rambling."

"I'm sorry," he apologized, obviously flustered. "I'm just so thankful. I know this is hard for you, but you won't regret it. I'm going to make sure…"

"Ok…if you want me to actually go through with this, you have to stay as far away from any sort of emotional or mind-provoking conversation," I interrupted once again.

"Got it!" he replied. "Kyla! You look great babe." He made his way over and gave her a quick, friendly embrace before turning his attention over to Spencer. "And this must be the friend you mentioned. Ethan Marks," he offered, extending his hand to Spencer.

"It's nice to finally meet you," she replied politely. Even though she was speaking to him, it seemed as though her eyes were glued to my own. She still wore the smile that told me everything was going to be okay, but I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by hundreds of little insecurities. Me, Ethan, and the manager of the nightclub had discussed the overall plan for tonight earlier this morning. Because tonight was the anniversary of dad's accident, they were letting me sing all of his original songs. That was a good thing in that I was familiar with all of my dad's hits and confident that I could perform them with ease; yet it was bad in the sense that this was already going to be emotional enough, without the added, constant reminder that this was something only meant to be shared with my dad.

I looked up at Kyla…then back at Spencer one last time before following Ethan over to meet the band, once again flooded with stupid insecurities. _What if none of these people even liked my dad? They would boo me right off the stage. I think I can still sing, but can I still perform? This crowd seems pretty receptive, but what if they hate me. Oh my God, I look ridiculous! I should have bought a new outfit instead of wasting so much time in Time Square; what the hell am I wearing anyway? Shit, everyone in the front is going to be able to see straight up this skirt as soon as I get up there…_

"Ashley, this is the band. This is Lucas, Jeremy, and Winston. They have all been practicing your dad's hits all day, but most of them were already familiar with his work. Guys, meet Ashley Davies." We all shook hands, reluctantly participating in the small talk Ethan had begun; and soon the owner of the club announced that a lead singer had in fact been found, and it was none other than Raife Davies daughter. I assumed that was my cue to emerge onto the stage and took one last breath before doing so. _What the hell am I doing? _

Everyone cheered and held their drinks in the air, anticipating the show that I was supposed to give them. I looked to the ground and almost turned around, screaming for the band to stop when I heard the familiar sound of one of my dad's most popular songs begin to play. _Why did I do this? Why in hell did I do this. There is not one, NOT ONE, single, logical explanation as to why I am standing on this stage. _I scoped the crowd in hopes of finding a familiar face and was met by the bluest eyes I've ever seen making their way through the crowd and to the front of the stage.

_That's why. _She just smiled, silently letting me know that in the end, no matter what happened, everything was going to be ok. I just smiled back, bringing my lips to the mic, and singing the first lyrics that I've performed since that night, one year ago, with my dad. The crowd went crazy as soon as the first line entered the mic and echoed off of the club walls. That's all I needed. Before the song was over; the mic was off of the stand and I was all over that stage. Nothing had ever given me such a high. They were screaming for me. They wanted me to sing for them.

I can honestly say that since the night of my dad's death, this is the first time I've actually felt alive again. When one song ended, people screamed songs of my dad's that I hadn't heard in ages; but I always ended up remembering every word. I never ceased singing for more than fifteen seconds before the crowd began screaming and the band started playing again. I was running short on breath, and caught a look at the clock, realizing that I only had time for one more song. This young woman in front asked if I would slow it down a little so that her and her husband could slow dance. It was their anniversary. When I asked her what she wanted me to play, I could feel my heart in my throat when she asked me to sing 'Hold On'.

That was the one song I'd tried to avoid all night. The one my dad and I wrote together. The one we always performed together. But how could I say no to that. As soon as the request came out of her mouth, the band started to play and the crowd began cheering before going to find their dance partners. I caught a glance at Kyla and wasn't surprised to find my own fears in her tear-struck eyes. Needless to say, that wasn't helping, so I turned to the blue eyes I could depend on to get me through this and smiled before singing.

'_Spend your life searchin_

_Awaiting in line_

_I know you're holdin on_

_To what you can't find_

_And when the light is fadin_

_And it's hard to see_

_I hope you know you're still a part of me_

_So hold on_

_Hold on_

_Hold on_

_Hold on to me.'_

I couldn't help but choke up at the end. Thankfully, the crowd didn't seem to take notice; so I shook it off quickly before smiling, thanking everyone from coming out, and making my exit from the stage.

I was surprised to feel a little disappointment when the show came to an end; but was immediately sent to another all time high when over a hundred people lined up in front of my for my autograph. I smiled and quickly obliged; catching a glance of Ethan talking to

a very approving manager. _He so owes me. _I had just finished taking a quick picture with a man and his wife when I caught a glimpse of the next two people in line. None other than Kyla and Spencer, smiling and glowing almost as much as I was at the time.

"Yes…umm…Ashley..," Kyla stuttered playfully, pretending to be a babbling fan. "Umm…do you think you could like…sign my arm."

"We are huge fans of your work," Spencer agreed, rolling her sleeve to expose her forearm. I just laughed at them both and shoved them out of the line before continuing with the next awaiting fan. Although I'd been distracted with the hundreds of emotions clouding my view, don't think for two seconds that I'd been too distracted to notice how hot Spencer looked tonight. I couldn't help but quickly look up, hoping to catch a glance of her, in between signing napkins, skin, or whatever else people happened to have with them.

Once I was done, I walked over to my awaiting friends with the biggest smile I've ever worn, feeling like I'd just accomplished the world. "So I think much vodka is in order, don't you agree Spencer dear?" Kyla asked, her most dramatic voice.

"I do believe you are correct Ms. Woods…shall we?" she said, gesturing towards the exit. I just laughed at them both, unable to find the words to do anything else as we made our way out of the club.

"I don't know how you did it…" Kyla was saying. "I mean, in front of all those people with God knows what running through your mind…but you were amazing!" I gave her an appreciative smile before glancing up through the dark at Spencer on my opposite side.

"Life is all about taking chances; putting yourself out there." She smiled nervously at my words, looking at her feet as we walked as if they would give her all of the answers she needed. I could feel Kyla's questioning eyes on me and did my best to ignore them while we continued walking.

When we finally reached the hotel, I was ready to collapse; but Kyla and Spencer had different plans. The rest of the night consisted of too much alcohol, bad impressions of our favorite movie stars, and even worse imitations of each other. By the time Spencer finally declared she was ready to crash, I was eternally grateful. I was about to make my way to my own room when Kyla grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into her own.

"Kyla!! What the hell?" I screamed, pissed that my sleep was being delayed yet again. She just sat there with this serious look on her face before informing me of what was on her mind.

"We need to talk about what the hell is going on with you and Spencer!"

**And that's it until tomorrow…lemme know what you guys thought…**


	8. Chapter 8 Confessions

**A/N: Ok…I pretty much feel like I'm on top of the world right now because more of you guys reviewed this time:) I wanted to give a special thank you to HaleyxxbrookeAAF for my newfound knowledge on animal combustion. I'm very sorry about your shirt. Also…a quick thanks to Sasquatch for your ingenius combination of literary contemplation. Anyways, here's the update and I hope you guys like it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere or it's characters. I also do not own the president; although frankly, I think I should.**

**Chapter 8**

"We need to talk about what the hell is going on with you and Spencer!" My mind was not letting me process what she was asking. She wasn't exactly receptive to the blank stare and silence that followed her question; hence the repetition of the question in a slightly louder and angrier manner. "Ash! What the hell is going on?" _Oh shit! _So at this point I'm quickly trying to decide whether to deny or fess up to her obvious assumption.

"Look…Ky…I don't know how it happened ok…but her eyes were really blue at Ego so I had to talk to her…and then she wanted me to protect her and I did even though I didn't care…but I really did care I just didn't want to admit it…but then when she asked me to stay with her…she put her head on my shoulder and I wasn't sad anymore…and I'm sad all the time Ky! Then when I was scared on the plane, she calmed me down and I thought she cared too, but she doesn't like girls…damn! She's Spencer! And then she was talking about wanting to move to a new place in her life but she was scared and I thought that new place was me…but it wasn't because she didn't smile for me…she just smiled cause she didn't want me to know…but I think she wants me to know now…she wants to take a chance…and that's why I had to sing tonight…and I don't know Kyla…I just don't wanna talk about it ok?"….

Kyla just stood there looking at me like I'd just announced I was getting married to Michael Jackson. I patiently waited, with a panicked look on my face, for her to begin cursing me with every word in the book for having a huge lesbian crush on her innocent little straight friend. Instead…she did the unthinkable. After I'd spilled my soul, exposing just how pathetic I really am; she laughed. And I don't mean she just laughed. She turned about three different colors before falling to the floor declaring she'd forgotten how to breathe.

"Well, I'm glad you're so amused by my emotional despair," I muttered under my breath, too exhausted from my little spill to say anything more.

"Ash…I just wanted to screw with you about taking Spence's advice over mine about working with Ethan again. You two have been all BFF lately, sharing insiders and laughing at random crap. I just thought you were trying to steal my best friend…not actually 'steal' my best friend." And with that she began laughing all over again, forcing me to realize what a complete jackass I'd just made of myself. In a sudden state of vulnerability and slight intoxication I'd just admitted to Kyla that I was developing feelings for Spencer. _God, I wonder exactly how long it will take for Kyla to single-handedly tear this apart…if there is anything to be torn…_

"Listen…you can't talk to Spencer about any of this…she hasn't even come out and said she feels the same way yet…she just sort of implied…but either way, I don't want to scare her away from this before we even get a chance to figure out what 'this' is…"

"Whoa! Ash…you're rambling again." I took a deep breath before putting it as simple as I could.

"Just don't tell Spencer Ky." She didn't say anything; rather nodded in understanding. She had that look on her face that I'd learned to interpret as a warning. She was up to something, but I didn't have time to ask questions. She quickly pushed me out the door, declaring she needed to get some sleep. I however, had a feeling I wasn't going to have much luck with that tonight.

**The next morning:**

Spencer and I read the note again; trying to make sense of why Kyla would take off, without warning, into NYC. The note hadn't explained much; just that she would be gone for the majority of the day and we should probably find some productive way to spend ours. I had woken this morning feeling a little more than the usual hangover; remembering some sort of argument with Kyla involving Ethan and, possibly, my developing feelings for Spencer. Now Kyla is gone and Spencer is standing here looking just as confused as I am.

"So what do you wanna do?" she finally asked. I tried to read her, desperately needing to know if she'd spoken to Kyla about anything I confessed last night. She seemed different, nervous; but I silently hoped that was because it was officially her turn to take her 'big chance'. "Shopping?" she finally suggested.

"Sure," I replied. I didn't really care what we did as long as we got a chance to talk. There was some desperate need for conversation. No more talking around metaphors, no more putting it off because we were too tired… no more. We had to get some things out in the open. Otherwise, Kyla was going to be the first to mention it to her; and somehow, I wasn't convinced that would work out to my benefit. About an hour after making our decision, we were heading out of the hotel.

Surprisingly, conversation flowed pretty smooth between Spencer and I. We talked about everything from cereal…to old jobs…all the way to past relationships. That's where the chat began to get a little heated. I could see my chance to make my move and get my point across; but for some reason, I was having a hard time finding the words. How come it seems so easy until it actually comes time to go through with it? "Hey Spence?" I finally started.

"Yea Ash." I can't breath. I actually think I might have forgotten how to take in oxygen. Right about that time, we came to a local theater. Before even thinking, I just blurted.

"Wanna catch a movie? I mean, we do have all day." She grinned a huge smile of excitement and I was ecstatic that I'd been the one to put it there. As we made our way to the ticket line, I asked Spencer what she wanted to see and was surprised that she actually chose something scary.

"You sure you can handle that one Spence?" I teased.

"Oh, I'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about," she shot back. We both just laughed and headed inside, finding that we were in fact the only ones in the theater. I'm not going to lie; I was pleased, but not nearly as pleased as when Spencer grabbed my arm in fear not even ten minutes into the movie. I pretended not to notice that she never moved it. She kept it locked with mine and I couldn't help but feel like that was where it belonged.

I was reluctant to get up when the movie was over, not wanting to lose that contact; but when we did finally emerge from the seats, Spencer gently let her hand run down from where it was positioned on my arm to my hand. I looked at her and smiled as I intertwined our fingers. Nothing had ever felt more right. Her hand was meant to be in mine.

As we made our way through the exit doors, we almost crashed into a young man in khaki pants and a button up. I tried to ignore his eyes roaming over Spencer's body as we apologized for the near collision. She was polite, as she always is, but I couldn't help wanting to reconstruct his face. I'm not used to feeling jealous over anyone, and honestly, I'm not a fan of the emotion.

"Jack," he offered, holding his hand out to Spence.

"Spencer," she smiled.

"I don't think I've ever seen you around here before. Visiting?" I didn't hear much of their small talk. Spencer continued to smile and he continued to talk nonsense. I must have missed something though; because before I could catch what happened, she was giving him her number! _What the hell?! Is she trying to play with my head or is it just coming naturally? _

"Well, he seems nice." That was all she said before practically running into a nearby shoe store. I just smiled and walked in after her, trying to understand the feeling that had come over me. I don't guess I was doing a very good job, because I was just as confused when we finally arrived back at the hotel in just enough time for me to get ready to perform tonight. "You should wear that new green top you bought today," Spencer was saying. I was considering shoe possibilities when her phone rang.

"Hello," she was saying. "What show? That sounds great. Yeah, you can pick me up at around 6:00. Do you need to know where I'm staying or do you want me to meet you somewhere?" I tried to keep myself calm and worry about my wardrobe, but it was impossible at this point. _Why was she doing this to me. It doesn't make any sense. Is she trying to hurt me?_ "Omg! I am going to a broadway show tonight! How cool is that Ash?" Suddenly, I didn't want her calling me Ash anymore; but I figured it would be quite immature to point that out so I stuck to my silent search for shoes. It didn't take her long to catch my drift, and I was soon bombarded with questions.

"Ashley, what's wrong?"

"Nothing at all," I replied coldly.

"Something's wrong. You've been kinda distant for a while now." I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Why the hell are you going anywhere with some ass that you barely know huh?" She was a little taken back by my bluntness, but I was too fired up to stop now. "You talk about how you think it's ignorant for Kyla to do stupid crap like that, but you're no better!" Now she looks hurt.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you give people smiles and looks that feel like they mean everything when they mean nothing to you!"

"Ashley, you're not making any sense," she whispered, the hurt evident in her voice.

"You hold onto people like you never want to let go and then you push them away!"

"What are you talking about?" she yelled.

"And you talk about taking chances and moving forward and happiness; but you don't know what any of that means do you?"

"I don't under.."

"Don't tell me you don't understand! You do understand! There is no way that you can honestly say you don't feel anything for me. We have been running around in circles, running around these damn metaphors; because neither of us is brave enough to say or do what we feel. I'm sick of having to constantly second guess myself on how you feel about this."

"About what?"

"About us!" There was a moment when neither of us said a word; both with tears in our eyes. She was looking at me for answers again; answers that I couldn't give her. I had tried, but I couldn't do it anymore. It's up to her now.

"I don't know what to do," she half-whispered, half-cried.

"Nothing," I whispered. "Just have fun at your show." I started to walk out but was distracted by her hand on my arm. I stopped, never turning around and waited for her to speak.

"I never wanted to hurt you. I know what I want. I just don't know if I'm ready. I'm scared Ash." My heart broke when she said those words; mainly, because I could hear the fear and honesty behind them. I wanted to turn around…to embrace her…let her know that it was okay to be afraid; but I couldn't. It would hurt too much to look into those eyes right now. I was afraid to see what smile she might wear. Instead, I just continued my way to my room to get ready for tonight; leaving her to get dressed for her date.

**That's it for the update… if you guys let me know what you think, I'll post Ch. 9 tomorrow!**


	9. Chapter 9 Barely Breathing

**A/N: Once again, you guys blew my mind with your reviews! Thank you for taking the time to do so! I've had several people message me and ask that I start posting early afternoon instead of late afternoon like I've been doing. However, I work from 8-5, so I think I am going to start trying to write the new chapters at night so that I can post the updates before I go to work in the mornings. (Around 7am) That's the game plan from here on out. I'll do my best. So here is Chapter 9. Let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere or it's characters. I swear, I had the idea first…even had Matt Cohen, Gabrielle Christian, and Mandy Musgrave picked out for the parts, but that son of a bitch Tom Lynch beat me to it! Oh well…I also do not own the song (Barely Breathing) that's used in this chapter. It's sung by Duncan Sheik (1996).**

**Chapter 9**

There was a soft knock on my door, but I refused to answer it. _I can't do this. This is why I never let myself get attached to anyone. Getting involved always means getting hurt. But what do I do? I put myself out there…in the most vulnerable way…for a girl that doesn't even want me enough to take a chance on me. _There's the knock again. I make my way over to the door, and open it, surprised to find Kyla. She didn't say anything; only walked in and took a seat on my bed. I walked over and put my head in her lap. I don't know why I did it. Maybe I just needed to feel someone care that it hurt.

"I'm sorry Kyla." She was gently brushing the hair out of my face and only smiled slightly at my apology.

"Why are you apologizing Ash?" she laughed. "In case no one told you, falling in love isn't a crime. It may be a bitch…but it isn't a crime." _God, is that what I've done?_

"Love? There's no way I could already love Spencer. I've only known her for a few days Kyla. You can't fall in love with someone you barely know." She just looked at me, silently asking if I actually believed one word of what had just come out of my mouth."

"Well, that's too bad," she stated, knowingly. "Because the heartbroken girl I just spoke to on my way in has fallen deeply in love with you." I quickly just shook my head.

"No…she hasn't. I think she feels something; but it can't be love. God, Ky, if she felt even one shred of what I feel for her, there would be no question. Nothing in the world could keep me from that girl if she actually wanted to be with me."

"She does want to be with you," Kyla interrupted. "Ash…she is terrified. You and Spencer have lived two completely different lives. You never had someone telling you what to believe or what was right or…what was normal. She has this picture of life and what it's supposed to look like in her mind; and in 'just a few days' you have managed to completely change that for her. Just because she is scared and needs time to process things doesn't mean she isn't feeling just as strongly towards you as you are towards her."

I was crying now. God, I'd been doing a lot of that lately. "Why the hell does it hurt this much?"

"Because," Kyla started. "you've spent your whole life pushing people away. I've been trying to get you to let me in since the day I met you, and I haven't even begun to break down that wall. For some reason Ash, you trusted Spence enough to let her in. You exposed yourself; and then when she didn't do the same for you…you were left in pain. Just like you were always afraid you would be. That doesn't mean it was wrong Ash. And it doesn't mean that you two can't make it. It just means it can't happen right now."

Something happened with Kyla and I during that conversation. I think I gave her a little piece of myself; and in return, she gave me a piece of hers. I was relieved to feel a little less alone knowing that she actually cared what I was going through; and I genuinely cared about her. The realization that I actually have somebody sunk in and only made me cry harder, wishing I wouldn't have taken her for granted for so long. I quickly decided that I was throwing all thoughts of Spencer Carlin out of my mind. If she didn't want me and would rather be running around with some loser, that was fine. I'm not going to stop living. I'll be okay without her.

"I have to get ready to go," I announced, slipping into the shoes I'd decided on earlier. "Are you coming tonight, or are you wiped from your little excursion earlier," I teased, letting my mind ponder anything but blue eyes and blonde hair. Kyla just looked at me with a worried expression on her face.

"Are you sure you're up for this tonight? I'm sure Ethan would understand if you had to skip a night, I mean…"

"Ky," I whispered. "I'm ok." She didn't believe me, but sighed and admitted that she was a little tired and was just going to turn in early. I barely heard her speak. I was busy thinking over all the reasons I was done with Spencer. There was no way in hell I was going to keep putting myself out there for someone that couldn't do the same for me. It didn't matter that it hurt. It didn't matter that in my heart, I knew she had feelings for me…feelings strong enough to make her cry when I walked away. All that mattered was that she wasn't ready for those feelings; and knowing that caused so much pain…too much pain. I couldn't keep hurting and watching her hurt, knowing I was the reason. From now on, Spencer Carlin is nothing more than my sister's best friend.

**At the show:**

I was actually worried about how things would go tonight considering the day I'd had; but was surprised to see it going fairly smooth. It wasn't near as challenging playing random cover songs as it was playing my dad's. I just stood up on stage and sang one request after another. Being on stage gives me this escape. I put every bit of emotion I'm feeling into the song I'm singing. I would be lying if I said that I didn't get a little emotional every once in a while, scanning the crowd for eyes I knew I wouldn't see. Eyes I knew were with someone else right now, possibly looking at them the same way they'd looked at me. _Stop it Davies! You're over this, remember?_

But when I saw her walk through the door…with him…I knew I wasn't over it. I was far from over it. I wanted to jump off of the stage, run up to her, and embrace her. I wanted to tell everyone that she was mine while I whispered in her ear how I fell in love with her and even though it was an accident, I didn't want to ever love anyone else. I wanted to tell her I would take care of her from now until the day I died; and if she would be mine, I would never let her hurt again.

When she caught my eyes, there was so much pain…so much confusion and despair. She wanted to say so much, and I needed to tell her so many things; but we were a world apart. She was with _him _and I was on stage. Never taking my eyes off of hers, never letting them break contact, I motioned for Lucus to come over and informed him of the next song we would be performing. I felt tears begin to roll down my cheeks, but I didn't care. All I cared about was her. I'd give it all up just to be with her; but I was angry, and I needed her to understand why. When the music began to play, I made sure never to break apart from those deep blue eyes as I picked up my own guitar and began to sing.

"_I know what you're doing, I see it all too clear  
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears  
You really had me going, wishing on a star  
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far  
I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn  
It must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born  
There's not much to examine, there's nothing left to hide  
You really can't be serious if you have to ask me why _

'Cause I am barely breathing  
And I can't find the air  
don't know who I'm 

_kidding  
Imagining you care  
And I could stand here waiting  
A fool for another day  
I don't suppose it's worth the price, worth the price  
the price that I would pay_

_Everyone keeps asking, what's it all about?  
I used to be so certain and I can't figure out  
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain  
There's nothing left to reason and only you to blame  
Will it ever change?_

_'Cause I am barely breathing  
And I can't find the air  
Don't know who I'm kidding  
Imagining you care  
And I could stand here waiting  
A fool for another day  
I don't suppose it's worth the price, it's worth the price  
the price that I would pay_

_But I'm thinking it over anyway, I'm thinking it over anyway_

_I've come to find, I may never know  
Your changing mind, is it friend or foe?_

_I rise above, or sink below  
With every time, you come and go  
Please don't come and go_

_'Cause I am barely breathing  
And I can't find the air  
Don't know who I'm kidding  
Imagining you care  
And I could stand here waiting  
A fool for another day  
But I don't suppose it's worth the price, it's worth the price  
the price that I would pay_

_But I'm thinking it over anyway...I'm thinking it over anyway_

_Well, I know what you're doing...I see it all too clear..."_

Tears were streaming down both of our faces as I sang the last lyric. I looked down at my guitar, breaking our eyes apart for the first time and decided that now was probably a good time to end the first set and take a fifteen minute break; so I quickly informed the audience that we would be back shortly and headed backstage. Once in the dressing room, I ran to the bathroom, holding onto the sink for dear life. I looked into the mirror at the person staring back at me. Not at all the same, cocky girl that had flown into New York a few days ago. I'd felt what it was like to love someone with hope and faith that they loved you back. There was no turning back to the way I used to be.

I closed my eyes and splashed some water on my face, wiping the excess off with a hand towel before glancing back into the mirror. Only this time, I didn't just see my own reflection staring back at me. I saw blue eyes exploring my own through the mirror as they made their way closer and closer to my shaking body. Everything seemed in slow motion now; a million thoughts running through my head. I wanted to speak; god, there was so much that I wanted to say to those pleading blue eyes. However, I couldn't do anything but stand, facing the mirror, and watch Spencer make her way closer and closer.

I could smell her scent before she got to my side; and I swear I felt the contact before she placed her hand on my shoulder, turning me around to face her. Her soft hands immediately went to my cheek, wiping the tears that wouldn't stop streaming down my face. "Don't cry," she whispered. I looked into her eyes with a mixture of love, confusion, pain, and anger. I didn't understand why she would put me through watching her walk away from me with someone else if she really felt the way her eyes were telling me she felt.

"Why did you come back here?" I asked, honestly curious as to why she'd left her date waiting. I'd heard all she had to say. _I get it. She's not ready. So why is she here? _She didn't answer right away. She began to cry silently, letting her hand run from my shoulder, all the way down my arm until it was grasping my own trembling hand in her own. Then, she raised my hand up and placed it in the middle of her chest so that I could clearly feel her heartbeat pounding, fast and hard. I looked at her in what can only be described as desperation and confusion before she finally answered my question.

"You feel that?" she whispered. I silently nodded before she continued. "I'm back here because while you were playing that song, I realized that this heart only beats for you. It's yours. And I don't care how scary all of this is; it isn't nearly as scary as not being with you." There are no words to describe the way I felt once I registered what she'd just said. She was mine. I was honestly terrified of the feeling I got in my chest. I thought it was going to explode right then and there.

"Ash…I'm sorry ab…" I didn't let her finish. I brought my index finger to her mouth, silencing her before taking a step forwards so that our faces were almost touching. A part of me still feared that I would scare her away; but when I looked into her eyes, all sign of fear was gone. I leaned in close to her ear and whispered, "I think I'm in love with you."

"Think…or know?" she asked, looking directly into my eyes now. She wore a new smile. This one was by far my favorite one yet. It simply said, 'kiss me'. I'm not one to argue with a demanding smile, so I did as I was told. I slowly brought my hand to the side of her face, causing her to begin to blush; which only made me want her even more. Then, I slowly moved in closer, making the contact that I've been dying to make for the last three days.

At first the kiss was soft, lips barely touching; but even that…even that simple touch sent something through my body that I didn't know existed. I wanted more. I put my hand on her waist, keeping the other hand gently against her face, and pulled her in closer. We had barely begun kissing and already I feel like I've never been this physically close to anyone in my life. I was surprised when Spencer was the one that deepened the kiss, barely bringing her tongue to my bottom lip, timidly asking for entrance. I know she could feel the smile on my lips as I granted her silent request.

I don't know how long it lasted…pulling each other closer, holding on for dear life, gasping for air, whispering almost silent 'I love you's' back and forth. All I know is, when I went back on stage, I was wearing the goofiest smile imaginable. I watched as Spencer whispered something in her date's ear, causing him a disappointed smile and nod before leaving the club. Spence then grabbed her purse and moved closer to the stage, taking her place where she'd always belonged. Here with me.

Until tomorrow…….reviews plz! 


	10. Chapter 10 Winding Down

**A/N: Ok, so one day into this 'post at 7am' plan, and I already screwed it up! lol I apologize for not posting until now. I could come up with some elaborate excuse like…I was in a near fatal car accident…or my dog ran away…but I'm going to be straight with you guys. My cousin came over and we stayed up watching the America's Next Top Model marathon, so this was written at around 2 in the morning. I'm sorry if it sucks…let me know in your reviews and I'll know not to write so late anymore…but I figured…better to write a sucky chapter than to keep you guys waiting another day…so R&R!! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere nor do I own the characters. I'm in the process of buying them both…just a little short on cash at the moment. :)**

**Chapter 10**

I used to think that happiness was an illusion. Everyone found that one thing in the world that they simply couldn't have, that they couldn't reach, and claimed it as the one thing they couldn't live without. They called this thing happiness; and then they waited all their lives to finally be able to grasp it. When they never did, they just assumed that they weren't meant to be happy. That was the life that everyone lived. Chasing an illusion that was meant to make all the pain go away; make it all worth the heartache. I don't believe that anymore. If what I'm feeling as I walk out of this club tonight isn't considered happiness…I'm not interested in finding it.

I figured that Spencer would be a little reluctant to be 'ourselves' around other people. I mean, she'd just now been able to show me how she felt; I didn't think she was ready to show the world just yet. Trying to respect her space, I kept my distance as we made our way out onto the sidewalk and began our walk home. I was surprised when she draped her arm around my waist and let her head drop down to my shoulder as we walked. I responded by putting my own arm around her shoulders, holding her close. By the time we reached the hotel, I had been smiling so big for so long, my cheeks were going numb.

"Omg! He's behind you! Bitch! Look behind you!" Spencer and I exchanged glances, trying not to laugh, as we listened to Kyla's screams from outside our room door.

"I told her not to watch that crap at night," I laughed, as we made our way inside. I wasn't surprised to see Kyla jump about a foot off of the couch, startled by our presence. She took a moment to compose herself before speaking.

"So I assume, by the fact that you two came home together, that things are ok?" I was about to give Kyla my death stare, but Spence didn't give me a chance.

"Yup…all better," she replied with a smile. "But who could stay mad at me for long…I mean seriously?" I was relieved that Spencer wasn't uncomfortable talking about us with Kyla, which led me to wonder what exactly was said between the two earlier. I hadn't had too much time to give it any thought when Kyla spoke again.

"Yea…well, now that I don't have to stay up worrying about you two I am going to attempt to get some sleep. See you guys in the morning." Right before she got to her room door, she gave us a wink and then disappeared, leaving us in hysterics.

"So I guess we should get some sleep too?" Spencer asked. I really was getting a little tired. What happened earlier tonight in the dressing room had me wired, but I was steadily on my way to crashing. My emotions had been put through hell today, and it was all catching up to me.

"I guess so," I replied. I didn't want tonight to be over. _What if she has too much time to think about things and changes her mind by morning? Do I kiss her goodnight or would that be putting her on overload? Does she need time to process? What is she thinking? _

"So I'll see you in the morning?" Everything she said was coming out in questions…like she wasn't sure of even the simplest things anymore. Like there was actually a question of whether I would be in the hotel in the morning. I just smiled and nodded. When we got to our doors, she was still asking a million questions. Not out loud…with her eyes. I didn't know what else to do; so I simply took her hand, brought it to my lips, and barely kissed the soft skin.

"Nite Spence."

"Nite Ash." The words came out in a whisper, but I would be playing them on surround sound in my head all night long. I was worried that once I got to my room, I would feel alone; but that wasn't the case. I could never remember a time in my life when I was this content with an empty room.

Unfortunately, I sat in bed for about an hour, becoming more and more awake with every minute. I couldn't quit replaying the night's events in my head, worrying about what emotions tomorrow would bring to Spencer. I decided to check my e-mail in hopes that staring at the computer for a little bit would make me tired. I was just sitting there, wearing sweatpants, a t-shirt, and reading glasses when I heard the soft knock on my door. I almost didn't hear it, but when I did, my heart stopped. I don't think I've ever answered a door that fast in my life. As soon as I opened it, Spencer quietly walked in and I closed the door after her.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. She looked nervous and I was beyond anxious to know why. She nodded, looking me in the eyes.

"I just wanted to feel you again. Is that stupid?" _God, I love this girl. _I didn't waste any time making my way over to her and throwing my arms around her. "I'm sorry…I was just sitting in my room, thinking about how I couldn't wait until tomorrow…and the next thing I know, I'm knocking on your door."

"Why do you feel like you have to explain why you're in here?" A moment went by when neither of us said a word. We just stood there, holding each other.

"I don't know," she finally answered. "I guess I don't really know how any of this works. I don't know what's okay and what's not…all I know is that I needed to feel you."

"I needed you too," I admitted. "And as long as it makes you happy, it's okay. There are no rules to this. You just do whatever you feel ready to do. I'm in new territory myself Spence. I'm just as lost as you are." She tilted her head to the side and looked at me like I'd lost my mind; so I explained. "Granted, I've dated a pretty good bit; probably more than most. But whatever I'm feeling right now is completely new to me. I'm trying my best to figure out what to do with it myself." _God…I sound so corny right now. What has this girl done to me?_

She smiled sleepily before responding. "Do you think tonight, we could just sleep?" I smiled and nodded, a little disappointed that her midnight visit was ending so soon. Then I realized that she was heading for my bed. I laughed before lying down next to her, pulling the covers up to her shoulders as I let my arm take its place around her waist. She didn't say anything; and after about five minutes, I assumed that she'd fallen to sleep. I was almost gone myself when I heard her whisper.

"Ash?"

"Yea Spence?"

"I'm sorry I went out with Jack tonight." I know this is the part where I should have assured her that was long forgotten, but it wasn't. There was still a part of me a little confused and hurt.

"Not that it matters now…but why did you?" I whispered. She didn't respond at first, but when she did, her voice was shaking as if on the verge of tears.

"I was scared…and confused…and a mixture of all kinds of emotions I didn't even know existed. Ya know…as a teenager you watch movie after movie about love and the way it makes you feel. Then, when you start dating someone and it doesn't make you feel the way you thought it would, you eventually begin to think there's something wrong with you. I've never felt anything for anyone like what I've felt with you. It scared the hell out of me Ash. Not because you are a girl, and it sure as hell isn't because I'm ashamed in any way. I just don't want to feel this way and then have it all disappear. I didn't want to be a fling when you were so quickly becoming so much more to me. I guess I wanted to see if I mattered enough to you for you to care if I went out with someone. When I realized you did care, I didn't know what to do with that either. Then, when you got angry, I didn't know what else to do but leave."

I held her tighter, understanding now why everything happened like it did. "You are so much more than a fling that it scares me to death Spencer." She turned around so that she was facing me and moved in closer. I kissed her forehead, letting my chin rest there as she held on tighter. After a few minutes, I felt her breathing steady and knew that she was asleep. I didn't want to fall asleep. I just wanted to feel those arms and stare at the girl they belonged to; but I wasn't strong enough to protest. Not long after Spencer, I dozed off as well.

**The following morning:**

"…and I mentioned that you had to perform until midnight, but Neil said that the party wouldn't actually be any good until around 1:00 so that was perfect." She looked like she was waiting for some sort of response; but as always, I was having a hard time keeping up with Kyla.

"Who the hell is Neil?"

"He's the bouncer guy," Spencer mumbled, emerging from my bedroom for the first time this morning. Her hair was a mess and I couldn't help but think it was adorable. She bent down and kissed me quickly on the cheek before heading to the fruit loops. I felt tingles run all the way from my face to the tips of my toes as I smiled victoriously at Kyla. She returned my smile and continued on with her conversation.

"Thank you Spencer for paying attention to my little insignificant life…yes, the bouncer!" I rolled my eyes and gave her a look that told her to continue on with her story. "…so I told him that we would drop by after you performed tonight if that was okay with you guys.

"It's okay with me if it's alright with Spence," I answered. She replied with a nod, a mouth full of cereal, and a thumbs up. "Sounds like a plan." Kyla smiled in approval before running off to her room to get ready. She and Spencer were heading out to do some major shopping while I practiced with the band. Ethan informed me that some major labels were going to be in town for the next few days, so now would be a good opportunity to break out some originals. On the off chance that they did stop by, we wanted to be ready.

"So we'll see you tonight?" Spencer asked, eyes still full of questions but more confident this morning. I nodded and made my way over to the small girl and her cereal bowl. I draped my arms around her from behind before confessing, "If I had it my way, I would see you every night." She smiled and leaned back against me, letting my chin sit on top of her head. How can simple gestures like touching someone or having them lean against you make you feel like the world isn't out to get you after all?

I ended up leaving to head over to Lucas's house before Kyla and Spencer were ready to go. I gave the address to my cab driver and watched in amazement as we moved at a snail's pace through the streets. _God, if I knew where the place was I would just walk. _When we finally pulled up, fifty-seven minutes later, I was surprised to see Ethan's car on the curb and him waiting inside. "Hey Ethan, I didn't know you were coming."

"Hey Ash." He looked like he was worried about something; like there was something he needed to tell me but wasn't sure how; so he was choosing to avoid it for now. "Yea, I figured I'd stop by and see how my favorite band is coming along. The guys treating you right?"

"Oh yeah," I replied. "They're awesome…but we both know that's not why you're here, so why don't you just spill. He looked down at his feet and then back up at me, gentle eyes turning a little cold as he began to speak.

"Look Ash…you and I…we go way back. We've been through a mess of ups and downs with your dad, and now we are taking on this new project together…you have to know that I have your best interest at heart." I nodded for him to continue, letting anticipation get the best of me and come off as anger. He began to catch my drift and bluntly continued. "All I'm saying Ash…is that record labels…as well as the audience you are trying to develop, will not like seeing what I saw in the dressing room with you and 'Kyla's friend' last night."

**So I'm sorry it's so short and lacking so much detail; but like I said, I was typing while still half asleep…lol so please review anyway and let me know what you think Ashley's response to Ethan should be…I'm interested in what you have to say at this point.**


	11. Chapter 11 Bridges Burned

**A/N: Once again…I'm writing this at an ungodly hour, so please forgive me if it's a little rough. Thank you to everyone who reviewed…you all are definitely on my Christmas list! As always, please R&R and I'll love you forever. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere or the characters. Tom Lynch is responsible for that…lucky bastard.**

**Chapter 11**

"All I'm saying Ash…is that record labels…as well as the audience you are trying to develop, will not like seeing what I saw in the dressing room with you and 'Kyla's friend' last night." I couldn't say anything right away; rather I just looked at him in complete astonishment, thinking I clearly had to be misunderstanding his insinuation.

"Ethan…I'm a little too tired to try and decode what you are attempting to tell me, so will you get on with it please." I was coming off as a total bitch, but I didn't care.

"I don't want you seeing Spencer…at least not until we establish you as an artist again. It's for your own good Ash. She will be nothing but a distraction from your work and a destroyer of your image."

"What work?! What image?! As far as I can remember, I haven't signed a contract giving you any right to have any say over how or with whom I spend my time! If I recall correctly, I just saved your ass from getting fired Ethan! That's all this is! It is a one time thing to help a friend out. If I do happen to get an offer for a record deal out of this; I will be grateful that you were the one that put me in that position; however, you will never, ever have the right to tell me how I am going to run my life! Do we understand each other Mr. Marks?"

"I'm just trying to look out for you Ashley. I don't want some little crush of the week to kill your chances of becoming what I know you are capable of!"

"No Ethan…what you are trying to do is be the one to 'discover' a new artist. You're not afraid of Spencer screwing up my chances at making it…you just don't want her to get in the way of your time back in the spotlight!"

"That's not true Ash! You know that isn't true! I did everything I could for your father when he was my client, and I did everything I could for you when he passed away!"

"Exactly! 'When he was your client'… 'Right after he passed away'… which if I recall correctly, is when you were trying to force me to sign you as my manager and continue my career as an artist. My dad had just died, and all you wanted to talk about was business. Yea…you cared Ethan! You cared when you were cashing in on our lives!"

"I think we're done talking," he interrupted, staring daggers into my eyes. "I'm going back to my hotel!"

"As far as I'm concerned Ethan…you can go to hell." He just shook his head in disgust before getting into his car, obviously disappointed at how the conversation had gone. I was fuming! Who did he think he was…telling me who I was and wasn't going to be with. If I hadn't already made a commitment with the band, I would have quit right then and there; but they didn't do anything wrong, and they trusted me to come through for them. So I reluctantly walked inside and spent the remainder of the afternoon teaching them my originals, trying to remember what I'd ever seen in Ethan to begin with. He was a total ass.

Kyla and Spencer beat me to the club, and I was more than a little nervous when I saw them exchanging words with Ethan. The conversation seemed light and casual, so I let myself breathe and take my place on stage. I alternated playing a few covers, followed by an original all night and was pleased to see positive response from the audience every time I finished one that I'd written. I'd never performed them before, so it was good to know they would be accepted and even appreciated by strangers who could relate.

By the time the show was over, I found myself completely drained; wishing we could just go straight back to the hotel, but knowing they had other plans. "Hey Ky?" I asked as we got into our cab.

"Yea?"

"What were you and Ethan talking about earlier?" She looked at me in question before the light bulb went off and she answered.

"Oh…he wanted to know if we were going to the party at Neil's tonight. He's going to be there and just wanted to know whether to 'look forward to us or not'," she laughed. "He also seemed pretty curious about what you and Spencer have going on."

"And what exactly did you tell him?"

"I told him that you two were smitten with each other," she laughed. "And then Spencer made some comment about how her parents were going to be 'smitten' with the whole thing when they found out. We were all cracking up, talking about how Paula was going to have to be sent to a mental hospital once she finds out her innocent daughter is gay. He's a pretty sweet guy…Ethan I mean. I guess I misjudged him at first."

"Guess so," I replied sarcastically. "Ethan's a real sweetheart I tell ya." Kyla caught my tone and looked a little confused; but we pulled up at Neil's before she had a chance to ask any questions. As we emerged from the cab, Spencer put her hand on my arm, turning me around to face her.

"Is everything alright Ash? You seem a little on edge." I almost told her everything right then and there, but I couldn't. I haven't known Spencer for very long, but I know how her mind works. She cares. She cares too much; and if she found out what that jackass said, she would immediately begin wondering if she's holding me back in any way. She wouldn't understand that she is what's allowing me to move forward, and Ethan is just an idiot.

The party wasn't half bad. Kyla was literally dancing from the moment we walked in until Neil dragged her off of the dance floor to get her a drink. Spencer seemed to be enjoying herself, so I decided to ask her to dance. She looked a little uncertain, but I pulled her out there with me anyway. I figured we'd goof off for a little bit, not really taking each other seriously, before getting fed up with it and heading back to the mini bar; but when Spencer started dancing…damn! I thought she was little miss innocent, but that girl can move.

I couldn't do anything at first but watch as she danced circles around me. When I finally was able to pick my jaw up off of the floor, I began to move with her. We started off with about a foot in between us, but closed that gap as soon as the beat began to pick up.

"Where did this come from?" I teased, whispering in her ear.

"It's been here all along Ash…you've just never asked me to dance before," she replied.

"That my dear, is because I'm a jackass," I admitted. She just laughed and we continued dancing for what had to be hours. I was so exhausted by the time we found a couch that I thought I'd pass out right then and there. "You want something to drink?" I asked.

"Maybe a water." She gave me a quick smile before I headed off to retrieve the drinks. _I can't believe Ethan thought I would give this girl up that easily…just to sing! _

"Ashley!" Kyla yelled from the mini bar. "Where have you been all of my life? I was looking for you because my new friends want your autograph. I told them I would sign for you, but they said it just wouldn't be the same. Isn't that funny?" She was obviously too drunk to notice that her 'new friends' were a group of middle-aged men who apparently had no concept of the magic that is deodorant. I quickly held my breath and signed their napkins before grabbing two waters.

"Thanks Ash! You're the best," Kyla slurred.

"Oh, I bet everyone is the best right now Kyla," I laughed, heading back over to Spencer. When I reached the couch, I had the sudden urge to vomit when I saw Ethan sitting next to her. He was wearing a smile, one that would look genuine to the untrained eye, but I knew something was up. I'm not sure what exactly he is trying to do, but it can't be good.

"Hey Ash…glad to see you could make it," he smiled.

"Yup…so you mind Ethan? You're kind of breathing my air at the moment." Spencer shot me a look of confusion and Ethan just continued his fake smile as he got up and walked off.

"What the hell did he want?" I asked Spencer, praying he hadn't said anything offensive.

"He just wanted to borrow my phone for a second; his apparently died or something… what the hell was with the attitude just then? Am I missing something? You two were okay yesterday." I still couldn't bring myself to tell her what was going on. She didn't seem mad, just confused.

"I just…" I started. "Look Spencer, I thought that he was someone I could trust; but I can't ok?" She just nodded, not exactly satisfied with my answer, but letting it go for now. Soon, we found a very drunk Kyla, and all decided to get together on the dance floor. By the time Spencer announced she was in definite need of sleep, I was about to collapse myself. Kyla insisted that we get someone who had a car to drive us home, because there was no way we would be able to flag down a cab this late; but we decided the walk wasn't too bad. After being inside that party all night, the cool air was a relief as me and Spencer walked out.

"I don't mean to repeat myself, but are you sure you're ok?" Spencer asked.

"I'm fine," I lied. "I'm just really tired and a little worried about where this whole music thing is headed." She nodded in understanding.

"I think it's headed wherever you want to take it. You have the talent to do whatever it is you want. Whatever Ethan has said to discourage you…you have to forget about it." _God, even when this girl is oblivious she says all the right things._

"You're pretty great you know," I admitted with a smile. She smiled back childishly before responding.

"I know." We were both trying to figure out if we were heading in the right direction when we heard something crash behind us.

"What the…?" I started, but was cut off by an arm around my neck and a gun to my head.

"If you even think about moving…" the strange voice was saying, "I'll blow your damn head off! Do you understand?" It all happened too fast for me to even register what was going on. I didn't know whether to try and scream for help or to keep my mouth shut. My heart decided for me when I saw the stranger's partner with a knife to Spencer's throat.

"Spencer!" I cried, trying to break free. That only led to the man's grip on my neck getting tighter, and the gun being pushed further into my temple.

"Shut the hell up!" he yelled. Tears were streaming down my face. I thought my legs were going to collapse from under me.

"Please," I cried. "Take whatever you want!" I motioned to my purse, now thrown across the sidewalk. The two men looked at one another. The one with the gun motioned for his partner to collect the money scattered across the sidewalk. Once his knife was away from Spencer's neck, I threw my head back, smashing it into my attacker's nose. When he dropped the gun, I quickly picked it up and pointed it back and forth between the two strangers.

Spencer quickly ran to my side, silent tears running down her face. I suddenly began to hear sirens going off nearby and the two men began running down the sidewalk and out of sight, obviously afraid of what would happen if the cops found them. I gripped the gun tighter and collapsed beside Spencer on the sidewalk, both of us refusing to let go of one another. "Are you okay?" she asked through sobs. I nodded before returning the question.

"You?" She nodded, but I could tell she didn't feel so well. "Let's go home. We can call the police and report this once we get there, but we have to get off of the streets," I stated. She nodded and I helped her get to her feet.

Once inside the hotel, I offered to take care of everything, telling Spencer to just go lie down; however, she didn't leave my side the whole time I was on the phone with the police. I gave them a play by play of what happened and a detailed description of the two men and location before I was released from the conversation.

There was no discussion tonight about sleeping arrangements. I got into my bed and Spencer crawled in next to me, asking quite a few times if I was sure I'd locked the door. I finally got up and checked again, just to put her at ease. "I still can't believe that just happened," I admitted.

"I can't believe you tried to take on a grown man with a gun," Spencer stated.

"Spence, the guy had just pulled a knife away from your throat. That was my only chance to do something." She huddled in closer to me, resting her head in the crock of my neck before replying.

"You just need to know that you're not just thinking for yourself anymore." I was confused, and must have worn the emotion on my face, because she quickly elaborated. "What we have going here…I'm all in. I'm a part of your life now. So from now on, you're not just thinking for one; you're thinking for two. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you. So just be careful…okay?"

I could feel tears begin to fall down my face all over again. I'm not used to people caring this much. "I just want to be able to protect you Spence."

"I know Ash," she whispered. I don't know how long it took for her to fall asleep after those last words. I just silently stared at the ceiling until I heard Kyla come in. Once I knew she was in her room, I quietly went and checked the lock to make sure she hadn't forgotten to turn it back.

When I walked back into my room, I stopped a minute to take a good look at the girl that had so abruptly taken such an important roll in my life; and noticed her cell about to fall off the side of the bed. I was about to place it on the bedside table when my curiosity got the best of me. Spencer said Ethan borrowed her phone to make a call. I flipped it open and went to recent calls. There was no unknown number there, which confirmed the feeling I'd gotten earlier. Ethan was definitely up to something; and that was never good.

**That's it until tomorrow. Let me know what you guys think…constructive criticism is always welcome:)**


	12. Chapter 12 Truth Hurts

**A/N: In case you guys don't already know…you are all amazing! Thank you for the reviews. Some of you were a little confused as to what the hell I was thinking when I wrote in 'the robbery' scene…guess you'll have to keep reading to find out. I would love to know what you guys think, so continue to review. It helps me know what direction you guys are interested in me taking this…so keep it up. You all are the best!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere or the characters. I'm not really sure why I have to write this in every time, considering you guys are smart enough to know that if I did own the show I wouldn't be writing fan fiction for it…but if there was any question before…I hope I cleared that up.**

**Chapter 12**

After the chaos that was last night, we all ended up sleeping in this morning. When I did finally pull myself out of bed, I could hear Spence telling Kyla about our run in with the two unnamed idiots. I wasn't really in the mood to relive the whole thing just yet, so I decided to grab a quick shower until the discussion died down. Even though I'd had the whole night to let myself cool down from the disaster that was Ethan Marks, I still couldn't help but be angry. He wasn't one to back down from something he wanted. At one time, because of discovering my father, he had been an extremely powerful man. He wants that back; and I'm afraid of exactly what he'll do to get it.

My thoughts were interrupted by loud music coming from my bedroom. I turned the shower off and burst out laughing when I heard Duncan Sheik's 'Barely Breathing' blaring. I quickly got out of the shower and threw my robe on, grabbing a hairbrush for a microphone as I barged out of the bathroom to my awaiting Spencer. I began singing loudly and dramatically into the hairbrush, leaving Spencer in hysterics as I cornered her against the bed.

"A little loud isn't it?" I questioned, looking her in the eyes as she began tracing circles around my stomach through the robe.

"Well, it's one of my favorite songs," she teased. "A real eye opener if you will." I laughed and pushed her, jokingly. Once she had fallen back onto the bed, I jumped up, straddling her as I continued singing into the hairbrush. When I looked down into her eyes, the teasing expression was gone. I could tell she was experiencing new feelings and emotions but didn't know exactly what to do with them just yet. I slowly brought myself down on top of her, kissing her neck softly. I could feel her hand making its way through the robe to find my bare waist and the chills rising on my skin as her fingers brushed against it.

For the first time since that night in the dressing room, our lips found each other. This kiss didn't start off as slowly as the other. There were no questions. There was only desire and desperation; a need to be closer. It quickly began to get more heated, almost silent moans escaping us both. Unfortunately, Kyla's bad timing forced us to reluctantly emerge into the living room; both of our faces flushed and full of slight irritation at being interrupted.

"Yea Ky?" Spencer answered. I was pleased to see that Spencer was just as disappointed as I was.

"I was just going to let Ash know that Ethan just called. He said he tried to call your cell but you weren't answering; and he just wanted to let you know that a record label was going to be stopping by tonight, so you needed to look hot." I immediately felt my face grow pale as Spencer's hand touched my own.

"You are amazing. Tonight won't be any different." I just smiled and kissed her on the cheek before running back to the room to decide what to wear.

Kyla spoke with Neil about what happened last night, and he insisted that the club provide us with a car to cart us around from now on. "We can't have the club's star getting into any trouble," he had teased. However, we all knew it was Kyla he was worried about. I think she actually liked this guy, and he seemed pretty fond of her too.

The second we walked in to the club, the guys in the band basically tackled me to the ground in excitement. We were all laughing and joking about how I would soon be on the cover of Rolling Stones when the manager motioned for us to go on stage. We started off with all of our weakest covers, trying to save the best stuff for when Ethan signaled that the label guys were here. Once we got that sign from him, we lit the place on fire with energy. We played mainly originals with a few covers to make sure we had audience participation. It was common sense that this was a major factor in their grading scale.

As hard as we tried with our frequent glances, it's nearly impossible to know what was going on in these guys' heads; but as we left the stage, we felt pretty good about our performance. I sat on the edge of the stage for about an hour signing autographs while Spencer and Kyla went over last night's fiasco with the club manager. Kyla seemed to enjoy sharing the story, but I could tell Spencer was becoming drained of the subject. I had just finished with the autographs and was about to make my way over to save Spence when the taller of the two label guys walked up to address me.

"Ashley Davies I presume," he smiled. I just nodded and held out my hand.

"Ted Nix. I'm the founder of TNM Records. I was wondering if you would be interested in meeting with us to discuss the possibility of working together. You are a very talented young woman Ms. Davies." Every piece of myself went into shock as he said these words. _TNM Records? …working with The Ted Nix! _I just nodded and gave him my information as he quickly jotted it down and shook my hand before turning to walk away. Not even ten seconds later, a very concerned Spencer and a very anxious Kyla found me standing there, speechless.

"So I'm guessing by that goofy grin on your face that things went as planned?" Kyla teased. I nodded before being embraced by both of my best friends.

"I need vodka," I announced, and we headed for the bar. The other guys in the band quickly joined us, declaring that this round was on them. I'm not one to protest random acts of kindness, so I agreed. They left soon after to catch some sort of party before it died down. Me, Spence, and Kyla were laughing and talking about how our entire worlds were about to change when some tall, pale guy with a camera came walking up with Ethan.

"Ash, this man would like to have a word with you. The paper wants to do an exclusive on your rise to fame." I was about to decline when Ethan insisted that promotion was most effective if it started early on in the game. As much as it pissed me off, I figured he had a point; so reluctantly, I walked over to 'have a word' with this stranger. He asked me all of the expected questions. What had brought me here…how I'd ended up at this particular club…how my dad's death affected my life and how it will continue to affect or rather inspire my music career, etc. I was becoming quite bored with the interview by the time he wrapped it up, insisting that he get at least a couple shots of me to record the night I was 'discovered.'

I smiled and took the shot, anxious to get back to my friends waiting at the bar. Once the picture was taken, Ethan made his way over with Kyla and Spencer. "Why don't you get a shot of the group?" he suggested, pushing them over to my side. Kyla immediately started posing, always up for exposure; while Spence stood nervously, not really knowing what to do. I pulled her in closer and we all smiled for a few more shots before being informed that the man was done harassing us and we were free to go.

Ethan was acting weird again. He was almost acting too normal; like all the sudden he was okay with Spence and I, but I knew better than to think he was giving up so easily. "I think we're going to head back to the hotel," I informed him. He nodded before speaking.

"You guys just be careful. Neil told me about your little experience with the freaks last night. Make sure you have the driver wait until you get inside the hotel before he leaves." He gave us a quick wink and turned to walk away.

"What's up with Ethan?" Kyla asked. "He's all the sudden freakishly nice to you. That's kinda weird considering the brawl you two got into the other day." I winced as I felt Spencer's eyes questioning me. I'd made the mistake of confiding in Kyla about Ethan's unwelcome opinions of my life and how it should be.

"What brawl Ash? I knew something happened!"

"I'll talk to you about it when we get back to the hotel, ok Spence?" She smiled and nodded, a little taken back in finding out I was hiding something from her. I didn't want her to think there was anything I felt like I couldn't tell her, but I also didn't want her having second thoughts about us…not when we seemed to be progressing so well.

I spent the whole ride home contemplating how I was going to explain; however, when we walked in to the hotel room, all thoughts and explanations were thrown out of my head when I saw two strangers sitting in the dining room. I couldn't speak. I couldn't breath. Nothing made sense…did these two losers have the wrong room or what? Spencer's face was expressing the exact emotion running through my body; yet she was the first one who composed herself enough to speak.

"Mom? Dad?" _Spencer's parents? What the hell?_

"Spencer!" her mom exclaimed, running over in tears to embrace her daughter. Her dad quickly followed while me and Kyla just looked at each other in confusion. _Are we missing something? _

"Paula…Arther? Not that I'm ever unhappy to see you guys…but this is a surprise! What are you doing in New York?…in our hotel room?" Kyla's discomfort in the situation wasn't exactly hidden from her questions, and Spencer's dad quickly began explaining.

"We got a phone call last night…he told us all about how those two guys attacked you and…Ashley is it?" I nodded, still full of confusion as he continued. "We came as soon as we could…are you two alright?" Spence and I nodded, exchanging similar looks. When I finally spoke, my voice almost didn't sound like my own.

"Who called and told you guys about the whole thing?" Arther looked at Paula in question before she answered.

"Umm…I don't quite remember his name. He said he was a close friend of Kyla and her sister…I'm sorry, what's your name again hun?"

"A-Ashley," I stuttered.

"Yes…Ashley. He said he was a close friend and thought we should know. We would have thought that Spencer here would have called to tell us something like this."

"I didn't want to worry you guys over something that was over and that you couldn't do anything about," Spencer quickly explained. "Besides, we are fine, I'm sure whoever you spoke to told you that…so why are you here?"

"Well, after hearing that, we had to see for ourselves that you were ok." Paula continued speaking as she turned to me. "Your friend…I forget his name…Arther, do you remember the young man's name?" Spencer's dad shook his head. "Well, he offered to set us up in a nice hotel for a few days so that we could spend some time with you three and make sure you were alright. Very nice man, you'll have to be sure and thank him for me." All of the pieces began coming together in my head. _Ethan. He did this shit because he knew it would put Spencer in a position where she would be forced to choose between her parents and me. He did this on purpose to try and screw us up. But how the hell did he know about those two guys trying to rob us? Neil hadn't told him until this morn…??? Oh my God! _

"Mrs. Carlin?"

"Please dear…call me Paula."

"Yes…Paula…when did my friend call you to tell you about what happened?" She was deep in thought for a moment before replying.

"I'd say about 11:00 last night hun." _Let's see…11:00 to them would be 2:00 to us...?? Holy shit! I'm going to fucking kill him!_

"Mom…are you sure?" Spencer asked in confusion. "Because the whole thing didn't even happen until around 3:00 here…which would have been 12:00 there…?" I didn't answer Spencer's silent questions as she watched me leave. I didn't answer Kyla as she asked where the hell I was going. I just grabbed my jacket and stormed out of the hotel room to find my little 'friend'. We had a few things we needed to talk about.

**That's it until tomorrow. Let me know what you guys think.**


	13. Chapter 13 Adrenaline

**A/N: First and foremost, thank you guys again for reviewing. Every single review means so much; you have no idea. In reference to TheLyricsThatComposeXMyLife …being given five stars from anyone pretty much means the world to me…so don't act all insignificant lol You made my day:) So yea…read and let me know what you guys think…I'm having a little trouble with the next chapter, so input is welcome as always.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own South Of Nowhere or the characters. Tom Lynch better watch his back though…I do plan on claiming them both one day.**

**Chapter 13**

You know those moments in life when you get so angry, so incredibly angry, that you know you know you should stop long enough to calm down before you end up doing something or saying something that you don't mean? Well, there's a fine line between those moments and the ones where nothing in the world could stop you if it dared try. You don't need to calm down because you simply don't give a fuck. That's the emotion I'm living in right now. I swear, I think that if a car got in between me and Ethan Marks, I could simply pick it up, and throw it across New York City.

I've been banging on his door now for about ten seconds, but it seems like much longer. When I finally hear him sleepily yell that he's coming, I clench my fists tighter. The door finally opens, and all I remember is Ethan's expression as my fist shot up at his face. "What the fu-…?"

"Shut the hell up Ethan! I'm going to be the one doing all of the talking!" He just stood there with this dumbfounded look on his face and a hand to his already bruising cheek as I pushed him aside and entered his apartment.

"Ashley, I don't know what this is about; but obviously you're angry. _No shit! _I think you should cool off before doing anything else irrational. _Already considered that and decided against it. _If you weren't my client, I would have just had you thrown out…what the hell is wrong with you?" All I could do was stare daggers at him in disbelief. _How can he sit there and act like he's done nothing wrong?_

"Ok…we'll start there. I am not your client. I took one little job for you, which doesn't give you any rights to me or my career. I haven't signed anything hiring you in as my manager. He looked a little taken back.

"Ashley, what is this all about? I helped you get discovered. You wouldn't be given the time of day with Ted Nix if I wouldn't have set that up."

"Oh my God, give it a rest Ethan. You and I both know that all I would have had to do was walk into a record company with proof that I'm Raife Davies's daughter and the press would have had a field day. I was just trying to help you out. I'm done with all of this shit now. You will have nothing to do with me or my career; and that's final." His expression suddenly went from fear to cocky in less than two seconds. "And what is that look for Mr. Marks?" I asked sarcastically.

"Well, I'm just wondering how serious you are getting with little Ms. Carlin. I would hate to think that broken bridges could somehow lead to problems with the two of you. You're so damn cute together." He was giving me one of those smirks that someone gives you when they know something you don't know.

"I'm getting very serious with Spencer now that you ask. Serious enough to ruin anyone who tried to put her life in danger to get me back… or get their way." His expression changed back and it was my turn to give him the smirk.

"Yea Ethan…I know all about your little plan to get her parents out here. Setting up that little fake robbery to spook us, and then have a reason to call her parents out of 'genuine consideration' I'm sure. I've got a feeling the cops would love to hear about your desperate attempts to climb back on top of the ladder of fame."

"You can't prove a thing," he simply said, clearly confident that he'd thought everything through.

"On the contrary Mr. Marks, I can prove everything. It's amazing what you can do when time is on your side." He looked at me in confusion, so I decided to help the little retard out and explain myself. You didn't happen to take time under consideration did you? I've already filed a police report, explaining exactly how, where, and WHEN this whole thing took place. You however, seemed to have an ability to see into the future. You called and spoke with Paula, informing her of the attempted robbery before it even happened. Phone records will show that." I've never actually seen someone turn that shade of gray. I thought he was going to pass out.

"Ashley…you and I both know that this will ruin me."

"And you and I both know that someone could have seriously been hurt because of what a jackass you are!" He just nodded, pleading with his eyes; but he wasn't getting off that easy.

"I'm only saying this once, so listen up close you son of a bitch. This music industry will always be somewhat important to me; but what I have with Spencer Carlin isn't something to be messed with." Ethan had tears in his eyes full of desperation, and as I spoke, he just continued to nod. "I want nothing more than to send you to prison, but I'm not going to do that. I figure you'll spend enough time in hell to pay for all the shit you've done. I'll be getting a copy of those phone records and the police report. If you try to screw with me, Spence, Kyla, or my music career ever again; I'm sending your ass to prison. You're dead to me."

Once I realized I'd said all I'd come to say, I gave him a victorious smirk and began walking out the door. Even though I was angry, I couldn't help but feel a little sad that Ethan was no longer going to be a part of my life. I mean, not this new psycho Ethan…the old Ethan. The one that took care of me. I quickly shook it off and headed back to the hotel to explain why I'd left. _Wait…I can't explain…Spencer's parents are probably still there. Oh well, I'll explain when they leave. I know Spence is probably freaking out right now. Damn you Ethan!_

Upon arrival, I was relieved to see Spencer and Kyla sitting on the couch talking; no parents in sight. "Ash, where the hell have you been?" Kyla yelled as Spencer walked up and embraced me.

"Ethan's." Kyla looked at me knowingly, thinking she knew everything about the drama involving our friend. _Oh how she is going to flip when I tell her later. _I couldn't explain everything right then. I needed to talk things over with Spencer. I glanced into her eyes and could tell that she'd been crying. She knew I'd noticed and quickly gave me a reassuring smile. "Do you think maybe you and I could talk for a little bit?" I whispered in her ear. "I think I have some explaining to do." She nodded and we headed off to my room.

"So are your parents okay?" I asked as we made ourselves comfortable on my bed. We were both sitting Indian-style, across from each other so we could talk. She nodded before answering.

"They're fine…just a little worried I guess. But Ash…I don't understand how Ethan…"

"Yea…that's kinda what I need to tell you," I admitted, stopping her before she could even asked.

"Remember when you kept asking what was going on between Ethan and I?" She nodded for me to continue. "Well, he confronted me about you. He said that he didn't think it was a good idea to have an open "lesbian" relationship, or any relationship for that matter, before I'd established myself and my image as an artist. He thought our relationship would screw up my chances or something." I could tell Spencer was already hurt and hated the fact that I was having to have this conversation with her.

"Do you think it will hold you back?"

"God no Spence! You're the only reason I'm even doing th-." _Shit…I did not just say that out loud. _I could feel my cheeks burning red but knew that it was embarrassment well spent when I saw the smile spread across her face. "You're the only reason I'm doing this," I repeated. "You made me understand that if I kept living in the past, I would never be happy." She let her hand gently fall on my own, and I've never been so thankful for the simple gesture.

"So what does that have to do with the robbery?" _Oh yes…back to my explanation._

"Well, if I'm not mistaken, the other night you and Kyla spoke with him about how your parents would react to me and you." She nodded, still confused. Ethan was able to call your parents and tell them about the attempted robbery before it happened because…he set it up Spence. He figure that would be a sure way to get your parents here and spook you at the same time. He knew that while your parents were here, you and I would have to pretend not to be together. I think he was hoping that the pressure of the situation would get to us both and break us up." I waited for her reaction; and when it didn't come, I knew she was in shock. Finally…

"He set the whole thing up? Ash…you almost really got hurt!"

"We were both put in a position where we could have been hurt or worse," I whispered, feeling the anger rising all over again. "That guy held a knife to your throat Spence." I left for a minute when I thought about that. Overwhelmed by the emotion of considering what life would be like without Spencer. She noticed and quickly lightened the conversation; well, kind of.

"So what did you say to him when you went over there?" I explained to her all about how I barged in fuming and punched him in the face. That part made her laugh before looking down at my hand, realizing that it was swollen and bruising. I hadn't even noticed before; too mad to even feel the pain. Now that it was pointed out to me, it was stinging like a bitch. Spencer went to grab an ice pack, and when she got back we continued our conversation.

"So I basically told him that if he ever even thought of screwing with us again, I would send him to prison with the phone records I'm going to get a copy of." Spencer nodded, clearly in deep thought about something.

"So weren't you planning on letting Ethan manage your career? I know that was a huge security factor for you. Do you have any idea who you're going to sign with?" I just shook my head.

"I'm going to get in touch with Ted Nix tomorrow and schedule a meeting. I need him to know as soon as possible that I want Ethan having nothing to do with my career anymore. I'll see what he thinks about it, and hopefully we can come to some sort of agreement along with our plan."

"What plan?"

"Well, he'll probably want to go ahead and set a timeline of how, when, and what we'll record. This whole process usually flies by. He will most likely want to get things moving as quickly as possible. I'll probably be in NYC a little longer than you guys though." She just nodded, letting everything sink in. She had a worried expression on her face, and I took a guess at what was on her mind.

"Don't worry about your parents Spence. I'll behave myself while they're here…but only until they leave," I laughed. She tilted her head slightly and gave me a flirtacious smile before replying.

"It's not like I'm ashamed of you Ash. It's just that…they have a picture of who I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do with my life. I just have to find the right moment to tell them I have my own ideas about life…with you." She was smiling, trying to assure me that everything was going to be okay; but my mind began wandering. _Spencer's parents aren't the only people she's going to face after coming out._

"I don't think you're ashamed," I quickly corrected. "I know it's a lot to come to terms with. I'm going to be here for you every step of the way. I'm not going to lie though; I'm a little nervous about how you're going to feel when we go back to Cali. I mean, being around everyone again." She shook her head and didn't waste any time in replying.

"None of them matter Ashley. The only reason that my parents matter is because they are a constant in my life. Everyone else; I can just boot out whenever I feel like it," she laughed. I liked that she was able to talk about this lightly. I wasn't sure even she believed the words coming out of her mouth; but they were reassuring none the less.

"I should probably go explain what's going on to Kyla," I announced. "She knows about our little spat yesterday, but she doesn't have a clue that it was him that put those guys up to harassing us."

"Yea, I think I'm just going to crash if that's okay with you. I took something for my head earlier and it is about to knock me out." I laughed as her eyes dramatically rolled back into her head. Then I realized that maybe she wasn't joking around. She really didn't look like she felt well.

"Spence? Are you ok? God, you're shaking."

"Yea…I'm fine…I think I just might need my medicine."

"Where is it?" I asked, becoming frantic. I'd heard Kyla fuss at Spencer before when she forgot her medicine at home; but I'd never really cared enough to ask what was wrong with her. Now, that was the most important thing in the world; but it wasn't time to ask questions.

"It's in a red box on top of my dresser. I'll go get it," she assured me; but when she went to stand up, she had to immediately lie back down. I put my hand on her shoulder and told her to stay put while I ran to get her meds. When I reached her room and found the red box she was talking about, I opened it only to realize that what she needed was an injection. I silently wondered what was wrong with her, but brought the box into my room and handed it to her. She slowly sat up, taking one of the needles and carefully sticking it into her stomach. She has definitely done this hundreds of times before. I cringe as I watch her flawlessly complete the task.

"Better?" I asked, not really knowing what else to say.

"Yup," she grinned childishly, handing the box back to me. I went and placed it back on her dresser, hurrying back to my room only to find Spencer already asleep. _That must have been some tranquilizer she took earlier! _I needed to talk to Kyla anyway.

"Hey Ky," I called as I knocked on her door.

"Come on in Ash. I'm just catching up on some Oprah," she laughed.

"Oh God! You still watch that shit?" I teased.

"It is totally not shit! It is very educational…and it lifts me up ok?" We both laughed for a minute, accidentally getting caught up in the show and only realizing it when a commercial came on. I knew I needed to let Kyla in on what was going on with Ethan, but something else seemed slightly more important at the moment.

"Hey Ky? What's wrong with Spencer?" She rolled her eyes before replying.

"She's not going to freak and leave you because her parents are here Ash! She's probably just a little drained from all of the excitement today! I mean, wouldn't you be? Just give her a day to sort things out, I mean.."

"Kyla, that's totally not what I'm talking about," I interrupted. "I mean, she's sick right? I just saw her give herself a shot, but I didn't have a chance to ask her why she had to do that."

"Oh! She's diabetic. It used to be really serious when she was little; but they've gotten control over it now. Every now and then she will get really sick; and if she doesn't give herself a shot soon, she goes into seizures. It's scary as hell, but it doesn't happen often. She has to take medicine twice a day; I'm surprised you've never noticed before."

"Well, I've never been this 'interested' in the girl before," I laughed. "I just want to make sure I know how to take care of her if I need to."

"Ok…well, she wears this little thing that looks like a stopwatch on her side. If it starts beeping, she needs her shots. I don't know how the hell the thing knows…all I know is that if it starts beeping and she doesn't have her medicine with her, you have to get it as quickly as possible and then beat the shit out of her for forgetting it," she laughed. "The main thing to remember if she's getting really sick is to try and get her some sort of juice and try to keep her warm. She'll start freezing like crazy." I just nodded, making a mental note of everything Kyla was telling me._ How did I never notice any of this before?_

"So now that you're up to speed on your girlfriend's illnesses, how about filling me in on what's going on outside of this hotel." I spent the next two hours straight venting to Kyla and telling her what Ethan had done, what he'd said, and what he'd anticipated on gaining from the whole fiasco. Her response was similar to Spencer's at first. She was in shock; but once that stage was over with, she was fuming so badly that I wished she'd been the one to confront Ethan. She would have probably done a much better job on his face.

When I decided I'd had enough for one day, I slid into bed next to Spencer, placing my chin at the top of her head and wrapping my arms around her. I was nervous about how the next couple days would go with her parents; but she'd said everything would be okay, so I believed her.

**And that's it for today. I don't know if I'll be able to update again tomorrow. I have a class really late tonight and one really early tomorrow morning. If I do update, it will probably be late afternoon instead of in the morning…so just a little heads up. Thanks for reading and I hope you guys continue to review!**


	14. Chapter 14 Define 'Us'

**A/N: Ok…so remember the aforementioned class I had to take the other night? Yea…well leaving said class in the middle of a storm had me running to my car…which ended with my tripping on a curb and breaking my ankle…emergency rooms are incredibly slow these days by the way…so…this chapter isn't exactly what I wanted it to be…it lacks detail…and it is kind of boring if I may say so myself, but it sets the stage for things to come. I'll go ahead and tell you that the obvious is not where I'm going with this lol So… I hope you guys read and bear with me…reviews and opinions are always welcome. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere, nor do I own the characters. Tom Lynch is the man responsible for both.**

**Chapter 14**

I would love nothing more than to be able to say that the last couple days have been nothing short of amazing; however, I'm pretty sure that Paula Carlin is indeed Lucifer in disguise. Sure, she was okay at first; but after being around me all day in Time Square and then watching me perform, she clearly decided that I wasn't the kind of person she wanted her daughter to be around. Last night was her and Arthur's last night here, so they wanted to spend it with Spencer. When Spence mentioned eating dinner at the club and watching me perform, Paula quickly stated that the club wasn't a place she wanted her daughter 'hanging around'. I was later informed by Kyla that Paula had a few other nasty things to say about me when I wasn't around. She kept making excuses for Spence to go off with just her or just Arthur. I just continued to tell myself that they were only here for a short amount of time; so I should probably try my best to keep my cool.

When if finally came time for them to head to the airport to catch their flight home, I offered to have the car provided by the club take them there. Paula looked at me in disgust before replying. "I think we can handle it without you contributions Ashley."

_What the hell? Did I do something wrong?_

Spencer gave me an apologetic smile, so I let it roll of my shoulder. I continued to calm myself down with the knowledge that she would be gone soon and I wouldn't have to see her for as long as I wanted to avoid. I just simply smiled and waved a quick goodbye before they disappeared out of the hotel room.

"Well, from what I can tell…you mom is crazy about me," I announced sarcastically to the drained blonde sitting across from me. She gave me a look that silently said she wasn't ready to go there before heading off to bed. I was hoping that she would head to my room and was more than slightly disappointed when she didn't.

I left the next morning before Spencer or Kyla woke. The long awaited meeting with Ted Nix was at 7 and I planned on getting there early. Luckily, he was alone in his office when I arrived; so I had a chance to explain my situation before everyone else got there.

"Mr. Nix?" I called, not sure of whether to walk into his office or wait to be invited.

"Ms. Davies!" he answered. "Please, come in and have a seat. I'm afraid the others haven't quite made it just yet; but they should be here shortly."

"That's kind of why I came in early," I admitted. "There's something I kinda need to talk to you about." He nodded for me to continue. "It's about Ethan Marks."

"Yes, I understand you want to sign him as your manager. I know that you feel comfortable with him managing your career, and I assure you that those decisions remain yours…"

"Actually, I don't want Ethan having anything to do with my career anymore." He looked confused and I quickly began to explain. "We just have two completely different ideas of what I should be. I would rather start new with a new manager…a new everything…if that's okay with you of course."

"Well, certainly, if that's what you want Ms. Davies."

"Ashley," I corrected.

"Ted," he added. He then began to smile quite goofily and I couldn't help but notice.

"I get the feeling I'm missing something," I admitted.

"I just thought about someone. There is a girl that has been working for me as an intern for about a year…she was a huge fan of you father. I hate to admit it, but she has a better understanding of how this works than most of the other men on my staff. How would you feel about meeting with her about taking that management position?"

"I don't know Ted. I mean…if she is just a first year intern…that makes her what…twenty years old?"

"Twenty-one."

"Still…that's only three years older than I am. Wouldn't that be a little unprofessional?"

"Meet her and decide for yourself." I reluctantly agreed, knowing that he's a smart man and must know what he's talking about.

"Ahh…Harlie! Come in here for a moment please." A petite brunette with light green eyes suddenly emerged from behind the wooden door. She wore a black skirt and blue button up. She pulled her glasses off before addressing her boss.

"Yes Mr. Nix?"

"Harlie, I would like you to meet Ashley Davies."

"Oh my god…I didn't even recognize you," she exclaimed. "I'm a huge fan of your father's work…it's such an honor to meet you." I smiled politely, trying not to laugh at her sudden excitement.

"Well…I have to say Harlie…I've only known you for about twenty seconds, but I already love your taste in music." She laughed and glanced back at Mr. Nix, obviously expecting some sort of direction as to what he would like her to do for the day.

"Harlie," Ted finally said after a minute. She looked up in response. "Let's say that you have a new client you are trying to expose and promote. Her father was a rockstar…a legend if you will…and she used to perform with him; so people basically know who she is. What would you consider to be the best way of reinventing her image? You know…giving people a good idea of who she's become as well as promoting and upcoming album?" She closed her eyes for a second, as if deep in though before replying.

"Well, we all know that the only way to really understand who someone is would be to explain how they got there. You could do a few interviews, and let someone do a story…possibly with a background on the rock star dad and then explain how that person grew into the person they are now. End it all with the release of a single; and I think, depending on the talent of course, you have the next rock star." Ted looked from Harlie to my shocked face and back at Harlie.

"Thank you Ms. Brown, that is all." She nodded and headed for the door.

"So she definitely has an eye for how the system works," I admitted.

"Do you think her youth would be a problem?" I thought for a minute before answering.

"I guess that in some ways it could be used to my benefit. She is more likely to see things the way I see them. I dunno…let me think about it. It's a big decision, ya know?" He nodded right as two men, dressed similar to Mr. Nix walked into the office. With the entrance of these producers and the presence of a record label, my music career officially began.

**Back at the hotel.**

"Yea…so I start recording next week. They want to look at all of my raw material to put about thirteen tracks together. I'm not going to be able to play at the club anymore. They don't want me straining my voice during recording. I'll only have to quit a week early, so I'm sure that the manager will understand." Kyla and Spencer exchanged glances, knowing that I was going to catch hell for that; but I was too excited to take that under much consideration.

"So what about this new manager?" Kyla questioned. "You didn't say much about her."

"Potential manager," I corrected. "She's smart…seems to know what she's talking about; but I mean…she's only twenty-one…and it's hard to trust someone that young with your career."

"Well, all that really matters is how you think she would handle everything…twenty-one or forty-one…" Kyla's right. I shouldn't let an age issue interfere with me making the wise decision.

"True. We'll see. So what did you guys do today?"

"Not a whole lot," Spencer replied. "We basically sat around talking about how time has flown by. We only have two weeks left here." There was a hint of sadness in her voice that I wasn't exactly oblivious to. "I mean, we've seen pretty much everything in this city at least twice; but I still feel like when our time is up, I'll be leaving something behind…something I haven't got to see yet." I just smiled reassuringly at her, knowing she was worried about much more than limited sight-seeing.

"Let's not worry about home just yet." She knew what I was trying to say and just nodded. "Let's go to bed…I'm beat." In one day, I'd basically planned out my next month. For the next week, I would be putting together lyrics to compose and record. I would be in the studio for two weeks straight after that. The remainder of my month would be spent filming commercials for cover girl, promotion campaigns, and life story shows for MTV. 'It's all about the promotion.'

I was relieved to see Spencer taking her old spot in my bed. I couldn't help but begin to drift as soon as my head hit the pillow and my arms fell around her waist. I was almost asleep when I heard her whisper. "How are we going to do this when we go back home? For some reason, I thought it was all going to be okay; but when my mom was here…it's going to be hell isn't it Ash?" I didn't know what to say. _She's having doubts…about me. Why does this hurt so bad. _

"In some ways…it will be hell. Some people will hate you for reasons that don't make any sense. Some people will never accept it Spence. That's the life you get thrown into when you're in a situation…a love like ours. It's a life I chose; but you haven't chosen it yet. You can still turn back. There's no sin in changing your mind you know?" _Why the hell do I care more about what she's feeling and her happiness than my own. I'm going to get hurt here…I'm going to get torn into a million pieces. I want to take back every word I just said…I want to not mean a word of it…but I do…I really do just want her to be happy._

"I'll never change my mind about you Ash. I'll always love you ya know?" I felt my heart melt and everything about me glow…but I let that feeling overcome me a little too soon. Her next words pierced my whole being with a pain I didn't know existed. "I'm just not so sure I'm ready for us right now. I've got some things to figure out about myself before I bring someone else into the picture." Without even realizing what I was doing, I began to pull my arms from around her waist; only to have her hold them in place. "Please don't Ash…please don't pull away from me. This doesn't mean everything has to automatically change between us." I again pulled my arms away, turning so that my back was now facing the teary-eyed blonde.

"Spence, I don't even know what 'us' means anymore." With that, we both just sat there in silence, thinking about how different we are now than we were when we first came out here…wondering if we would return to our old form when we went back home…and eventually falling to sleep; not in each other's arms, but in our own insecurities.

**Ok…so I know I'm basically drowning you guys in angst…but I'm having a little trouble with this fanfic right now…I've got a specific direction I want to head in…yet finding time to get it on paper is becoming a problem…ideas?**


	15. Chapter 15 Midnight Crisis

**A/N: Ok…I know it's been about ten years since I last updated…and I could bore you with all of the events of my life that have kept me from my laptop…but I will spare you and just say that I am sorry. I will try and begin updating every couple days if not daily again if you guys continue to follow the fanfic after it being on hiatus. Lol Thank you again for the reviews. Hope you will continue to let me know what you think. :) **

**Disclaimer: So it's not mine. Show as well as characters belong to Tom Lynch and the N. 2 months till April:)**

**Chapter Fifteen…**

I can honestly say that throughout my life, I've always considered myself a go-getter. No matter what it was that I wanted, I would always find some way to achieve it. Now let's not get carried away; I've always set reasonable goals. The kind that won't let you down because you know you have a chance in hell at reaching them. That's always been my strategy; setting my goals high, but obtainable. That is…until now. Now I have my eyes and heart set on something out of reach; someone a little too perfect.

The first couple days after 'the breakup' (if you can even call it that…we were never actually together) were rough. I've never quite understood what people meant by feeling 'numb' until now. I have so many emotions running on overdrive; considering that I just landed a record deal and got my heart broken all in less than a week. Spence said that she couldn't handle 'us' right now; that she needed time to figure herself out first. I know from experience what that means. That is the nice way of saying that this is too intense for her. I'm not a complete moron. I could hear in her voice that she doesn't intend on ever returning to our little utopia of a life we've had in NY.

These are the thoughts running through my head as I sit, trying my best to write at least one fresh song for the new album; knowing good and well that I'm wasting my time. I'm only a week into this business, and I'm already behind schedule. We only have five of the 13 tracks recorded and there are still songs to be written. As much as I would love to say that I'm focused on my career right now; we all know that's not the case now is it? I'm focused on blonde hair, blue eyes, and lips that used to smile just for me. I can't get that smile out of my head; and while it used to bring me comfort, now it reminds me of life and all of its disappointments.

The knock on the door startled me, forcing me out of my paralyzing thoughts and into the realization that someone is now speaking to me.

"Ms. Davies?" The voice was fairly small and vaguely familiar. It took me a moment to realize that it was my new manager. _God…what is her name? _I didn't have any luck remembering it at the moment, but I did suddenly remember why she was in my apartment.

"Shit!" She looked at me in amusement as she watched me put the pieces together. "Our meeting…I'm supposed to have the proposal…shit!" She laughed although I couldn't figure out from what angle this could possible be funny. I mean, I have a deadline. I'm playing the big game now, and I can't keep screwing up like this! No more distractions. I'm completely focused from now on!"

"It's ok," my manager…_God what is her name?…_ assured. "I'm sure we can work something out. What do you have ready?" I flipped through an old notebook of mine and pointed out about seven pieces that had been completely finished, composed and all. She began to read over them as I fidgeted with my pen. I didn't usually let people read my raw material. I kind of felt like she was reading my diary, but the smile on her face put me at ease. "You have a gift." She finally broke the silence.

"I don't know about that," I argued. I've never been one to take compliments very well. "Anyone can take an experience or a feeling and put it down on paper. You just have to be real with yourself."

"Do you really believe that?" I nodded and looked back at her shaking head.

"True that anyone can pick up a pen, put it to paper, and write how they feel. I don't for a second believe that everyone has the ability to write it in a way that makes the reader, listener, feel what they are feeling. What you do Ashley is beautiful." I could feel my face burning red but I didn't know why. "So just write a few more of these and we will be ready to go, yeah?"

"See…that's the problem," I began. "All of these were written when I was going through something that inspired it. I'm having a little trouble writing anything worth recording lately. It's all coming out a little cliché, ya know?" She nodded before responding.

"Mind if I take a look at some of your latest?" _Actually…I do. _Everything I've written lately has been about Spencer. I wrote about realizing I'd fallen for her. I wrote about the first kiss. I wrote about being sure; about not being sure. I even wrote about the night she ended it. That doesn't mean any of it should be read by anyone else. I just needed to get it out.

"It's all crap. I swear it's not worth your time," I assured her.

"I think you should let me form my own opinion," she whispered, taking the notebook from my hands. I don't know how much time passed by with her eyes scanning over those last few pages, but it felt like years. I didn't want her reading that. I hadn't even accepted those last pages yet. Her foreign eyes should not be aloud to see that deep inside of me when I don't even remember her damn name!

"Well if this is cliché…you make cliché work," she suddenly announced. "This is the stuff you should be recording. It's real! I think you are confusing cliché with vulnerable; and vulnerable sells CD's," she laughed. I smiled and laughed back, not sure I was fond of those words being broadcasted all over the country. Whatever, I can't let emotions get in the way. I have to focus on what is going to get me where I need to go. Whatever I have to do…I just have to keep my eyes on my career.

"Hey Ash…have you seen my hairdryer? I thought it was…" Spencer stopped mid sentence when she saw the other girl in my room. It didn't register at first what this must look like, but when it did I immediately began wishing we would have moved this little meeting to the living room to begin with. _But why the hell do I care what she thinks? She's made it obvious that she's through with me. _"Sorry…I didn't realize that you had company," she stuttered, turning to leave the room. So much for focusing on my career. All I'm focusing on right now is the shade of gray now occupying Spencer's eyes.

"Hey Spence," I called, not letting her walk away without an explanation. (Not that she deserves one.) "This is Ethan's replacement." Then, referring back to Spence, "And this is Spencer Carlin, my sister's best friend." I'm not sure why I introduced her like that. It was awkward and I didn't know what else to say. She didn't miss the heaviness in the air when introductions were said and done.

"Well, it's very nice to meet you," Spence smiled. It was the smile hiding everything about her again. She was continuing to pull farther and farther away, and I couldn't make that realization stop hurting; no matter how hard I tried to focus on 'my career'. They exchanged smiles once again before Spence left the room to continue the search for the missing hairdryer.

Once she was gone, my eyes stayed glued to the door, replaying the situation and trying to decide what that new shade of gray meant. After a few seconds I began to feel green eyes on mine and forced myself to look back. "What?" I finally laughed, hoping not too sound too direct.

"That's her isn't it?" I looked at her in confusion, not wanting to know what she was talking about but understanding completely. I just nodded before bringing my attention back to my notebook, making a few last minute changes before sending it with this stranger to Ted Nix. I was hoping that I'd ended the conversation with my obvious lack of enthusiasm for the subject when she spoke again. "How long has it been over?"

"About a week," I answered.

"Who ended it?"

"She did." I don't know why I felt obligated to answer her questions. Maybe it wasn't obligation I was feeling, but a need to actually say these things out loud. Kyla had completely avoided the subject. She hadn't even come out and asked what happened; not to me at least. So I wasn't exactly comfortable with opening up to her. However, there's no danger in opening up to a stranger. If you make a fool of yourself, you can just avoid them right?

"Did she explain why?" _Here goes._

"I'm the first girl she's ever been with," I explained. "I think she just realized how much hell she was going to catch for being with another girl and decided that wasn't the life she wanted for herself. I can't say I blame her." The expression on the girl's face as I explained why Spencer and I weren't together wasn't recognizable. I'd never seen someone's eyes look so close and so far away at the same time. "What about you?," I shot back. "What's your story?" She just laughed and shook her head.

"It's a long, boring one; not really worth telling."

"I think you should let me form my own opinion," I replied, wittingly. She laughed before responding.

"Well, I grew up in a small city in Georgia; hated it. All I ever thought about was getting out; I didn't really care about how it happened. So when the opportunity of escape presented itself in the form of a drummer for a local band going on tour, I took it. I didn't expect to actually fall for the guy, but naturally I did. When we broke up, I refused to return to Georgia, so I made a living in San Diego, Cali for about a year. I decided it might be cool to intern somewhere where I got to deal with music; somehow got an interview with Ted Nix; worked my way up; and now here I am; working with the daughter of a legend.

She smiled a smile of her own hidden insecurities, but it was different that Spencer's. Unlike Spencer, this girl wanted to let me in. She didn't want to push me away. I quickly decided that she was probably a very lonely person who could use a new friend. I'm not too proud to admit that right now, I sorta need her too.

"So I'm going to go let the big man have a look at these," she laughed, pulling herself from the desk chair. "I'll call you later and let you know our next move." I nodded and watched as she made her way out of my room. I fell back on my bed and tried to convince myself that I was not in any way attracted to her. This is work, but the old Ashley Davies would take advantage of any chance at a girl like that. Of course, the old Ashley Davies wasn't in love with Spencer Carlin.

**Later that night…**

"So you are basically just putting together all of the pieces for the rest of your songs before you record them?" Kyla was trying her best to play the role of the interested, supportive sister as I explained my current position with the album. Although I appreciated her failed attempts at enthusiasm, I knew she needed sleep.

"Yeah…basically," I answered. "But I'm going to let you crash and work a little more on these last few pieces. See ya in the morning Ky."

"Nite," she replied, already heading to her bedroom. I was about to open the door to my own room when I heard the television come on in the room adjacent to mine. Spencer had run off to bed hours ago, but I guess she hadn't really gone to sleep yet. So I sat there, like a lost puppy, trying to decide whether to take this opportunity to talk to her or continue on with my path paved in denial. I reluctantly chose denial and quickly began absorbing myself in the lyrics of my life.

I hadn't been working for ten minutes when I heard the sound of something breaking. My first thought was that someone had broken into the apartment, but I soon began to hear more loud noises coming from Spencer's room. I immediately jumped up off the bed and made my way to her side. I felt my body stiffen as I saw her curled up on the floor, sweat dripping off of her pale face. It took me a minute to register that this must be what Kyla was talking about. I tried to remember everything Kyla had told me, but that was about a week ago.

"Kyla! Get in here!" I screamed, not wanting to leave Spencer's side. I quickly ripped the comforter off of the bed and threw it over her shaking body. I could feel the muscles in her arms begin to stiffen and was terrified to find out what that meant. "Spence…you're ok." I was practically lying on top of her trying to keep her warm. "Kyla!"

"What?" she sleepily yelled from Spencer's doorway.

"I d-don't remember what y-you s-said to do," I stuttered, on the verge of crying, still trying to hold Spencer down. Her body was beginning to fight and push against mine in her unconsciousness. I've never seen someone look like they were in so much pain. Once the situation registered in Kyla's brain, she was fully awake, taking charge.

"Ok, don't move her, but stack those pillows around her head so that she doesn't hurt herself if she goes into full seizure. I have to go find her shots. Try to keep her warm and keep talking to her!" she ordered. I held on to her tighter with my left arm as I began throwing pillows all around her with my right. I could hear the beeping noise coming from the device attached to her side.

"It's okay Spence. It'll all be over in just a minute. I promise. It's almost over." I didn't know what I was talking about. I didn't even know what was going on; much less how long it was going to last, but I was terrified. Tears were falling down my face faster than I'd ever felt them before, and I didn't even care. By the time Kyla emerged with the needle I though I was going to pass out.

"You have to hold her still enough for me to do this," she informed me. I nodded and held on to her tighter; but before Kyla could give her the shot, her whole body stiffened as her back arched against the floor. "Hold her tighter!" Kyla yelled. I did as I was told and soon Kyla had injected the contents of the needle into Spencer's stomach, causing her body to immediately begin to relax. Spencer's eyes opened for a brief second before she closed them again, passing out in exhaustion from the seizure.

"What's going on now?" I whispered.

"She's just passed out. It's typical after an episode like that. Let's get her back on the bed." Once we'd gotten her situated, Kyla declared that she was going back to sleep. "She's not going to want us sitting here staring at her when she wakes up," she explained. "She'll be fine. The worst is over."

"You can go ahead," I whispered. Kyla looked at me with knowing eyes and just smiled and nodded before heading back to her room. My heart was still racing and my face was still stained with the day's eyeliner when Spencer finally opened her eyes.

"Hey there," she softly whispered.

"Hey," I smiled, trying to not break down again. That's the last thing she needs right now. "I think that you should probably never do that again," I joked. She silently laughed, obviously still out of energy and breath.

"I'll do my best." I couldn't hold it in anymore. Seeing her try so hard to be strong after what she'd just been through was too much. "Ash…please don't…" she started, letting her hands brush gently against my arms.

"I'm sorry…but I can't stand to see you like that," I admitted. Her eyes were that shade of gray again. It was fairly dark in the room, but I could still distinctly see the difference from their normal color. I'm not sure how it happened or who made the first move; but we just sat there, holding each other for seemed like hours. Eventually, we laid down, never breaking contact.

"Do you want me to go back to my room?" I muttered, when I could feel myself falling to sleep. She didn't answer, and I was about to climb out of her bed when her grip tightened around my waist. Despite the situation, a blind man could have seen the smile on my face when I felt that familiar touch. I know it wasn't the place or time, but I couldn't help myself. "Spence, do you still think about me and you…about us?" It was silent for a long time. I figured she'd fallen to sleep and was almost out myself when I heard her.

"All day…every day." The words were soft; almost like they weren't even spoken. But I'd never heard anything more clear. No more words needed to be spoken. That was enough. I had been wrong. She wasn't trying to get rid of me. She just needed time. I guess after completely turning her world upside down, I can give her that much.

**So that's it for chapter 15…I'll try to get chapter 16 up by Sunday at least. Again, I'm sorry for the delay…hopefully that won't happen again. Thank you guys for sticking with the story. Love to all! Reviews!!!**


	16. Chapter 16 Chained

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm very pleased with the reviews from last chapter. Thank you to all of the first-time reviewers as well as to those that have stuck with this story from the beginning. Once again, I'm sorry for the delay in getting the new posts up. Things have been crazy lately! Anyways, hope you guys will keep reading and keep reviewing!**

**Disclaimer: So I don't own the show, don't own the characters, and don't own the song…(Ana Free is responsible for that! You guys should check her out on YouTube).**

**Chapter 16**

"Are you sure there's not another one on there that you could use?" I pleaded. Mr. Nix gave me that look again. The one that silently asked if I was serious about this business and told me to shut up all at the same time. I lowered my head in defeat and nodded my way to the exit. This was the last song to wrap up the album, and the song the label chose was one that I wasn't ready to face just yet; however, the music had already been recorded. The only thing standing in my way of a finished album was recording the vocals to that song. Her song.

The fifteen-minute cab drive lasted merely a second in my clouded mind. I don't know how long we were sitting there at my building when I finally snapped out of it and handed the man his cash. I had about two hours before I had to be at the studio and was in desperate need of a nap. Stumbling through the door and almost losing my coffee in the process, I found an empty living room. _Weird…I figured Spence and Kyla would still be here. _The thought hadn't even made its way all the way through my brain when I heard the muffled voices coming from Kyla's room.

I was about to ignore them and take advantage of this free hour with a quick power nap when I heard my name. I know it's wrong to eavesdrop. I know that now and I knew that then, but that didn't stop me; I mean, I'm only human. As I made my way closer, I could clearly make out the conversation.

"Kyla, I do love her ya know. But that doesn't change the fact that when we go back home, things can never be normal between us. I mean, we can never be open. You know what that would do to my family! How can we live like that? How can I expect her to live like that? God, I just don't know what to do." I could feel my heart drop to my feet and the familiar ache in my stomach as I heard her speak the truth out loud. A few moments passed before Kyla responded.

"I don't know what to tell you Spence. You have to decide what's important to you. But you have to realize that it isn't just you making a big commitment or a big change here. Ashley isn't the relationship type. She's been through hell. And if you aren't thinking that she is a chance you are willing to take, don't lead her on and let her wait for you."

"Ky, it's not that she isn't a chance worth taking, but what about my mom?"

"Screw your mom!" Kyla suddenly screamed. I've never wanted to hug Kyla more than I did at that moment. "Screw everyone that cares about anything but you being happy! You deserve to be happy Spencer! And I've seen the way you and Ash are together. I just don't want you to regret screwing that up!" I couldn't listen to anymore. I thought that after last night I was sure of how things would pan out between us. Although it might take some time, I was sure of the fact that we would eventually be together. But how can I be sure of our relationship when she's doubting it.

About two minutes later, I was back in a cab heading to the studio. _I'd rather practice and warm up there than in the midst of the hell back at the apartment._ The studio was free when I showed up so I just let myself in and began warming up. My hands were shaking as I pulled out the lyrics, just reading over them. In the silence, I could almost smell Spencer in those words. I could clearly see the first time I really saw her in that club. I could see that look of fear when that man grabbed her; the same look that didn't disappear until it was covered with the contentment when my arms were around her. The look she got when I expressed my feelings for her. The look of pure want when she found me in the bathroom backstage. And then there was the look she had when I pulled my arm away…when she told me that she was out.

**-Chained: by Ashley Davies-**

**"Hope can not help me  
I'm weak since you've left me alone  
and theres nothing here for me  
searching for something to hold on  
this place could always  
make me feel alright and all wrong  
but theres nothing here for me  
you dont adore me  
your gone**

**and I guess anyway it was wrong  
its too good to be true  
its just too much for you  
scared by a love thats too strong**

**I dont regret you  
I still can't forget you  
chained to a memory  
run from my enemies  
hiding myself in the dark**

**Leaving the world  
step into the unkown to be free  
and the memories fade of a world that we made in history  
and I dont deserve all the reasons I heard  
when you turned away  
but you misunderstand**

**I might cry for you but you should  
hear me say**

**That I guess anyway it was wrong  
its too good to be true  
its just too much for you  
scared by the love thats too strong**

**No I dont regret you  
I still can't forget you  
chained to a memory  
run from my enemies  
hiding myself in the dark  
baby I am chained to a memory  
I'm chained to a memory  
hiding myself in the darkhope can not help me  
I'm weak since you've left me alone"**

I opened my mouth to sing the first line, but nothing came but a deep pain in my chest and a huge lump in my throat. I closed my eyes and tried again, only to be overcome by the same emotions. The only thing my body had to offer were the tears silently falling down my face, followed by the not-so-silent sobs escaping my mouth. I didn't even recognize those sobs. They weren't mine. They were someone else's. Someone who wasn't as strong as I am, but I haven't been strong since she came into my life. She forced me to realize that I'm lonely…in a room full of people I am so damn lonely and I need someone. I need her, but she doesn't need me.

I'm crying uncontrollably now. Someone could have set the studio on fire and I wouldn't have known it. I wouldn't have noticed the flames or the burning. The pain I'm feeling is so much more powerful than anything fire could do to me. I do however notice the soft embrace I get from behind as arms close around me. I want to turn around…to see who has interrupted my moment…who has seen me like this; but I can't. I can't turn around. All I can do is fall into these arms that are so willing to help. All I can do is turn around and bury my face in this person's shoulder. All I can do is cry as I hang on for dear life to this stranger's shirt.

Only she's not a stranger. She is the girl that I know very little about, but she's not a stranger. I want to run when Harlie's eyes meet mine. That's her name…Harlie. I don't know why it's coming to me just now. I don't know why I can't run like I want to. All I can do as she hold me is let her hold me. All I can do as I sob is let her hear me and tell me it will be okay. All I can do as she lifts my chin with her forefinger is look into those caring eyes and believe that everything is going to be okay. All I can do as she slowly brings her lips to mine is kiss her back. _Holy hell! We're kissing! _

It started gently. Our lips were barely touching as if testing to see if the water was safe to jump in. We pulled away only to examine the other's expression for a split second before deciding, at the same moment, that the water was amazing. We crashed into each other in a desperation that I know she was feeling too. My hands made their way up to her face and neck as I pulled her closer and she did the same. I don't know how much time passed before Spencer's face crossed my mind.

"Whoa!" I suddenly yelled, realizing what was happening and how wrong it was on so many levels. "We can't do this," I stated, breathing so heavily I thought my chest was going to explode. She was nodding in agreement, face flushed in the color I could feel on my own.

"I know…I know," she stammered. "I don't know what happened…you were crying…and I didn't know what to do…and then I kissed you…and I couldn't stop… and oh God Ash I'm so sorry, please don't be mad…" She was so cute when she was flustered. _Davies, you are not allowed to think that right now! Shut the hell up! _

"It's okay," I quickly whispered. "Sorry that you had to come in with me in an emotional wreck." That's when her eyes found the lyrics that I'd dropped in all of the excitement.

"It's okay," she stated, bending over and picking up the lyrics. Her eyes were registering the whole situation, putting all the pieces together; figuring me out. I didn't like that she could do that; take a situation and know how certain things…certain people could make me feel. "You don't have to do this song you know?" Her eyes were genuine. They wanted me to use them as a window to escape and a part of me wanted to do that; but I couldn't. I couldn't leave behind my feelings for Spencer. I couldn't run from something just because it was so strong. I'm not that girl anymore; I don't want to be that girl anymore.

"I can do it. I need to do it," I finally admitted. She just stood there, shaking her head.

"I just don't get it." My blank face told her to go on and thankfully, she listened. "I don't understand how anyone could hurt you. Whether you realize it or not, you're pretty great." Her face was turning a dark shade of red again as a single tear escaped the corner of her eye. I don't know why I cared so much, but I did. I walked over and whiped it away with my thumb.

"Well, whoever you're thinking of right now is an idiot as well," I smiled. "Because they obviously left your heart in pieces." She nodded and tears began to fall harder.

"Those songs that you've written are beautiful Ashley. So many people can relate. You shouldn't have to hide them from the world; but you also shouldn't have to feel what I know you're feeling when you sing them." I don't know which one of us was more surprised when I let my lips crash into hers again. I was letting myself escape, and nothing had ever felt better or worse.

This time, she was the one to pull away. Although it could have been for many reasons, I'm thinking it was the fact that the studio workers were back from break. They enjoyed the show, but we were a little put off by being caught in a situation that we didn't understand. I excused myself and headed for the bathroom, not really knowing what else to do or where else to go.

**Yea…so it's shorter than the rest, but like I said…I feel like crap! Let me know what you guys think in the reviews. The next chapter will be much better…promise!**


	17. Chapter 17 The Now

**A/N: Ok, so this is the second time that I've gone on a forever-long hiatus; so I hope that you readers are still out there. I had a little trouble with this chapter, so it's not exactly what I wanted it to be. Let me know what you guys think and hopefully I can improve with the next one. Thanks to all of you who are still hanging in there.**

**Disclaimer: So I don't own South of Nowhere, nor do I own the characters. Although, I'm sure I'm not the only one that is pissed with the cancellation of the best show known to man!! On a happier note…one month from today before 3B!**

**Chapter 17**

I'm not sure how long I've been sitting here. In case you're wondering, "here" being the inside of a nasty, run down, public washroom at the recording studio. What else am I supposed to do? Let's recap shall we? I just graduated from high school, flew to NY with my sister and her friend, fell in love with said friend, made out with said friend, landed a record deal, got dumped by said friend, and made out with my new manager all in a matter of three weeks. _Spencer is going to hate me. _

Although I want so badly to make myself believe that because of my insecurities I'm justified in what I've done, we all know that isn't true. She cares for me and I care for her. She is proving to me exactly how much she cares by throwing everything she's ever known out the window. So what if she's having doubts? What am I doing to prove that I care? … I'm running. Not in the sense of actually leaving, but I'm pushing her away while turning back into the girl I left at home. But I don't want to be that girl.

I don't want Harlie. Kissing her made that so clear. For the first time in my life, I don't want to kiss just for the hell of it. I don't want to touch someone just to be touching them. I want to kiss someone because I need to feel them. I want to touch and hold someone because I can't take the chance of them falling. I want to be happy…I want Spencer.

"_Ms. Davies, if you're on the premise will you please report to the recording booth." _The noise over the loudspeaker sounded like Mr. Nix and I won't deny that I might have undergone a mini-panic attack at the realization that I still had to record that song. As I made my way over to the booth, I silently prayed that Harlie would be gone. I mean, the pale look on my face and my running out and refusing to answer her phone calls should have thrown her a hint right? Granted, I need to talk to her to explain that this can never happen again, but I have to worry about other things right now; that can't be a priority.

Walking into the studio with Mr. Nix and some random man I assumed to be in charge of sound confirmed that Harlie was in fact a girl that could take a hint. She was nowhere to be found. I silently took a deep breath and made my way in front of the mic, praying that I could hold the tears until this was all over. This is the only recording session standing in the way of me and my future. I'm going to do this.

I'm not sure how many takes it took to actually finish that song; but judging by the expressions of the faces of my co workers, I'd say far too many. I was on the verge of exploding when I finally made my way out into the cool night air. I stood and stared at the approaching car that had been provided by the club. Honestly, I would much rather walked the distance back to the hotel. I looked around to make sure that Mr. Nix was nowhere in sight and quickly told the driver that I wouldn't be needing a ride tonight. He gave me a questioning glance followed by an appreciative nod before driving away.

The walk definitely served its purpose. I played around with the many questions I had running through my head; all of them equally confusing yet leading to the same answers. I had two choices. I could pretend that tonight never happened and go about waiting for Spencer while trying to prove that I'm the one for her; or I could tell her what I'd done and hope she understands. Either way, I have to have her. Whether it's now or in ten years, she is what I want; and I might have possibly just screwed my chances.

As I finally approached my building I was surprised to see Harlie sitting on the sidewalk, cigarette in hand. I watched her for a minute, trying to decide by her body language what exactly her intentions were, before realizing that staring wasn't going to make this conversation any less awkward. "It's a bad habit ya know?" I finally whispered, breaking the ice. She didn't even flinch as I said the words and I was convinced she hadn't heard me before she finally spoke.

"Yea, that's why I quit." She smiled, but it wasn't hard to see past it. I suddenly was overcome with the realization that this might have been a little more to her than just a fling. For some reason, it hadn't sunk in before that her feelings were involved now; it wasn't just Spencer and I that I had to worry about.

"Look, I'm relly sorry…" I began, but she didn't let me get very far.

"Oh God, don't apologize," she interrupted. "Look, I don't know what I was expecting out of this. I mean, I've only known you for a little over a week; and believe me, I don't do this often." She smiled a genuine smile when she said those words, and at any other moment I would have been hypnotized by that smile; but I have other things on my mind right now.

"Why now?" I asked, out of curiosity. I needed her to tell me that it was just a fling…that it didn't mean a thing to her. I'm not sure why I needed this confirmation. I've never needed it before, but I've changed since I've been here, remember? She knew that's what I needed. I could see in her eyes that she knew, but she wasn't letting me off that easy.

"You remind me of someone that I used to know." Her eyes grew darker. Her face grew a little paler before she continued. "Someone I used to need." I looked from her pained face to the ground, not really knowing what else to do. I didn't know whether I should wait for her to continue or ask questions but I chose the fist option and stood in silence before her shaky voice broke it once again.

"She was everything, you know? I mean, after me and 'the musician' broke it off, she went from being a friend in the music industry to being so much more. I clung to her for dear life, loving the fact that I finally had something, someone, to hold onto. Don't get me wrong, we had our downs. We fought like an old married couple, but neither one of us could stay mad for too long." She's not so much talking to me anymore as she is reliving. She's revisiting places, times, that are happier than where she is now, today. I'm not sure why but I could feel tears forming in the corners of my eyes when I saw her come back to reality.

"Everything about you reminds me of her, but I realized today that it doesn't mean you can take her place…no matter how much I'd love for you to try. You already have someone. You've already found your everything. And you can't let her get away; because if you do, you may lose her forever." I could tell she was done talking. She had taken it for as long as she could, and now she was pulling back again. Then, like a switch, the sadness was gone and she was smiling again. I was a little taken aback by this and looked at her in question. "Tell me about her," she grinned.

"What?" I laughed, trying to figure out what she would gain by having me sit and talk about the girl I had fallen for.

"I want to know about the girl who inspired that song." I looked at her again in doubt, not knowing how to respond. Finally, I decided that she wasn't going to back down and I should probably give her what she wanted, but hell…where do I start? How do you describe someone like Spencer Carlin. My words came much easier than I expected.

"Well, truth be known…she didn't just inspire that song. She inspired everything." Harlie looked at me in question, so I continued to explain. "I would have never gotten up on stage again if it weren't for that girl. For some odd reason, she made me feel like I could do it; and convinced me that in return, I'd get a piece of my dad back."

"And did you?"

"Ya know what? I think I did. The first time I got up there and sang, I was terrified. But somehow, I kept finding her eyes in that huge crowd of people. And every time that I'd find them, I would feel so alive. All fear would go away and I could feel him. I could hear him singing with me and I could feel his arms around me. That place was on fire for me because Spencer forced me to hear my dad telling me I could do it."

I sat down on the sidewalk next to her, making myself more comfortable as she threw the cigarette to the ground, making herself more receptive for the rest of my story. "I always thought that to truly trust someone you had to spend years getting to know every little thing about them and their past. But she taught me that once you find that person, you don't need to know all of that other stuff. It's okay to just live in 'the now'. She doesn't care that I was a bitch back in Cali. She doesn't ask me who I've been with, she's just okay with the version of me that she's gotten to know in the past few weeks. And honestly, all I care about is the version of her that I've fallen for. That's all I want. But I screwed it up by pushing for too much when she wasn't ready for it. And if that wasn't bad enough, instead of understanding when she needed time, I left. I pushed her away and didn't even listen to her desperately tell me that she just needed time."

I'm crying now, and I don't know why. These thoughts have been running through my head over and over for the past week; but something about saying them out loud has become too much. "Sounds to me like you need to talk to her about this…set things right?"

"I can't," I whispered, defeated. There is no way to explain to the person you love why you couldn't be there for them when you needed them most because you were simply too scared. I can't expect her to understand that. Hell, I don't even understand it." Harlie has this look on her face now. The only word I can think of to describe it is satisfied. She looks like she's just accomplished something.

"I think you'll find a way to tell her," she smiled. I looked at her in desperation, wanting to know how on earth I could tell Spencer all of those things; but before I could open my mouth to question her anymore, she was inside a cab, leaving me to find my own answers. I don't know how long I stood there. I was doing a lot of that today. Standing still, praying that time would stop with me until I figured things out. But like every other moment, I realized that time stops for no one; so I turned around and started inside my building.

I didn't get very far.

There, standing about three feet away from me, were desperate, blue eyes mirroring my own. It was too dark to be sure, but I was almost certain she was crying. Her arms were crossed, and I didn't know whether to take that as anger or insecurity. I'm not going to deny that it took me far too long to piece together the fact that Spencer had probably just overheard every word that I'd just said. It took me even longer to realize that those were Harlie's intentions all along. My face began to burn a deep red before I spoke the inevitable question.

"Spence, how long have you been standing there?" Once again, it was too dark to tell much about the girl, but I could tell that she'd gone from looking at the ground to looking up at me.

"Long enough Ash." Her trembling voice told me so much. It told me that she had been crying, but it also told me that she was smiling now. I wanted to see that smile so badly, but I was still reluctant to make my way closer or make any moves until I knew how she felt.

"Spence, I'm sorry," I started. "That's not the way I wanted you to hear those things. I've been wanting so badly to talk to you and tell you that I'm an idiot. It's okay to be scared. I don't know what else I expected from you; you're bound to be uncertain about this! I was just so terrified of losing you for good…and terrified over the fact that I cared if you left or not. No one has ever mattered like you matter, and I want to wait for you. I want to talk to you when you need someone to talk to, and I want to try and help you figure this out…just on the off chance that in the end, you want me too." _Wow, tears are coming a little too easily these days…_

Suddenly, she's not so far away anymore; I'm not sure when she made her way over to me, but her hands are on my shoulders now, and I've never been more aware of someone's presence. "Ash, you're freezing," she whispered. "Let's get you inside." I just nodded, completely numb from everything about this day. We hadn't even made it all the way into the room when I suddenly couldn't wait any longer. "I need to tell you something." She looked at me a little amused at first, before realizing from my expression that it wasn't something good.

"Oh God, I don't know how to say this…here goes. Earlier today, Harlie and I kissed. It was nothing more than that and it only lasted a second before I realized that it wasn't what I wanted. I realized that I was turning back into that girl I was at home, and I'm not that girl anymore. And you have to know that I don't want Harlie; I want you. I was just upset, and I know that's no excuse; because you've been upset too, but I …"

"Ashley! Breath!" Spencer laughed. I looked at her expression, trying to find the anger that was supposed to be there, but it was completely absent. She just looked at me with those eyes, somewhere in between blue and gray, letting her hand drop on my shoulder the same way she'd done outside. "It's okay. You did the exact same thing I did Ash. Remember how upset you were with me when I accepted that date? We're both at a loss. I don't think either one of us understands how it's possible to feel this way about someone so soon." I just looked at her in disbelief.

"You're not angry?" She smiled the smile I've missed. The smile I've needed so badly for the past week.

"No…I'm not angry. The only thing that matters to me is knowing that you meant what you said outside a few minutes ago." I felt the tears coming again. I need her to know how much I mean those words. I wish so badly that she could feel how much I mean them.

"Every word." She looked down at her feet before looking back up with the most child-like grin I've ever seen. Then, a more serious expression crossed her face; and I held my breath, waiting for what was coming.

"As sure as I am that you are what I want, I really do need to take this slow. I want to do it right, because I don't want to lose you." My heart stopped and I had to fight the urge to tackle her as I continued listening to every word she had to say. "You have to know that I am terrified. As much as I don't want to, I care what my parents think. I just need you to know that if I'm uncertain…it's not of you…it's not of us." I nodded my head in understanding and we stood there, staring at each other for a good thirty seconds before she yawned and silently gestured towards her room.

I was a little disappointed that the conversation was coming to an end. It was the first time that we'd openly talked about what was going on, and it was so good to get those things out there and know that we were still in this together. I walked her to her room door, and let my fingers gently touch hers, whispering an almost silent goodnight before turning to my own room. Only her small hand wasn't as quick to release my own. I turned back around, careful to not get too excited as to what that small gesture meant.

Our eyes locked for a split second before she slowly brought her lips to the side of my face. "Do you think maybe you could hold me tonight like you used to?" The words were so soft that I had to convince myself they'd actually been spoken. When the reality finally registered, I smiled the goofiest smile imaginable, before following the blonde into her room and draping my arms around her for what felt like the first time.

**Ok… so that's it for today… I'm torn as to where to go next, the trip to NY is almost over and we're about to head back to Cali… so suggestions are welcome as always. **


	18. Update Coming Soon!

**Ok, so before you all start cussing me for the forever long hiatus, I just want to apologize for keeping you waiting for so long... I will be posting Chapter 18 next Friday so for all of you still interested, you should check it out! Thanks for staying with me.. You all rock. **

**- Riley**


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